Always

Always jokes

Scratches on an icy road and kills 50 people on the bus, and when they get to Heaven, God feels so bad for them and grants them all one wish.

The first lady in the line was always worried about her looks, so she wished to be beautiful, and the guy behind her couldn’t think of what to wish about, so he also wished to be beautiful. This kept on going, but the guy at the end of the line started to laugh. When he got to God, God says, “What is your one wish, my son?” He said, “I wish you can make them all ugly again.”

Do you know why dead baby jokes are always funny?

They never get old.

How many emo kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None, they all sit in the dark and cry.

To teach kids about democracy, I let them vote on dinner. They picked tacos. Then I made pizza because they don’t live in a swing state.

You’re not completely useless. You can always be used as a bad example.

One day I visited my friend in a hospital.

I remember when I spoke, "You know, sometimes it's reaching its peak and its lowest state, but I know you'll always end like the others at calming and straight!"

Yes, I talked about the heart monitor beside him.

How do you know when you're disliked?

When they always give you the camera for group photos.

Me people call me emo.

Older cousin: Why?

Because I always have my hood up and wear black cloths and wear black cross earrings.

What is one question on a tech test you should always ask before getting down?

What in the Robot!?

People always talk about starting families, what happened to finishing the job?

Why are orphans always so successful? Because when they're told "go big or go home," they only have one option.

I went to school with a gay guy who was really smart, but he always got mad that he got straight A's instead of getting all the D's.

What's braver than coming out gay? Taking a shit in an elementary school bathroom with those two kids that always mess with you and turn off the lights.