Already jokes
So, I was on the phone with a scam caller. He said he knew where I lived and would kill my children and wife. Jokes on him, I already did.
Why is September 11th the best birthday ever? No one forgets it :)
I would make a joke about fat people, but they already have enough on their plate.
I heard you were looking for a stud...
I already have the STD; all I need is you.
I heard the Kardashians were going on a cruise soon.
As if there's not already enough plastic in the ocean.
Time to go to New York to visit the Twin Towers.
They’re already getting closer.
It was the final examination for an introductory English course at the UW. Like many such freshman courses, it was designed to weed out new students, having over 800 students in the class! The examination was two hours long, and exam booklets were provided. The professor was very strict and told the class that any exam that was not on his desk in exactly two hours would not be accepted and the student would fail.
1/2 hour into the exam, a student came rushing in and asked the professor for an exam booklet.
"You’re not going to have time to finish this," the professor said, as he handed the student a booklet.
"Yes, I will," replied the student. He then took a seat and began writing.
After two hours, the professor called for the exams, and the students filed up and handed them in. All except the late student, who continued writing.
1/2 hour later, the last student came up to the professor who was sitting at his desk preparing for his next class. He attempted to put his exam on the stack of exam booklets already there.
"No, you don’t, I’m not going to accept that. It’s late." The student looked incredulous and angry. "Do you know who I am?"
"No, as a matter of fact, I don’t," replied the professor with an air of sarcasm in his voice.
"Do you know who I am?" the student asked again. "No, and I don’t care," replied the professor with an air of superiority.
"Good," replied the student, who quickly lifted the stack of completed exams, stuffed his in the middle, and ran out of the room.
I went to go hang out with the emo kids, but they already did.
A boy and a girl are showering together. The girl looks down and says to the boy, "Hey, can I touch it?" The boy replies, "Oh hell nah. You already ripped yours off."
Your mama is so ugly, she doesn't have to flush the toilet. She already scared the shit out of it.
Why are Americans so bad at class royals?
Because they already lost 2 towers.
They tried to make me laugh, but I was already DYING.
The daughter of an incestuous pedophile goes into the living room where he is watching TV and asks him if she can borrow the car that evening.
"Sure honey! If you suck my dick!"
So she gets down on him but something is wrong. She pops her head up and says: "Dad! This tastes like shit!"
"Oh yeah, I forgot," says the father. "I already gave your brother the car for tonight."
Fat bully. That was just the starter, now do you want the main course?
Me: I don't think I want that because you already ate it.
Why don't emo girls date emo boys? Cause they've already got a pussy.
Why can't emos have ADD?
'Cause they are already scatter-brained.
Wanna hear a joke?
No, I'm already looking at one.
Why are Americans so bad at Clash Royale?
They already lost 2 towers.
Do depressed people hate swimming?
They hate it because they are already drowning in their depression, but they love it because it might make all their dreams come true.
Why doesn't the U.S. Government play Clash of Clans?
Because they lost two towers already.