Agriculture Jokes

Yo mama so fat, when she goes to get grapes off a bush, the bush says, "Bitch, I never thought they can grow that big!"

As a lifelong farmer, I was excited that Ligue 1 was moving up the UEFA ranking toward an Industrial Revolution and I can finally leave the farm. Alas, Pessi joined and we went down a rank because he is so finished. Shame on you Pessi, now I have to go back to shoveling cow shit.

What do you call a vegan cow?

A vegan cow. :/

A regular cow. 🐄🙌

"Bitch, I’m a cow, bitchhhhh."

Your cow is so ugly, it scared the crap out of the toilet!

Welcome to the Church of the Holy Cabbage.

Lettuce pray.

What happens when a cow masturbates?

Beef jerky.

What egg do you buy an orphan?

Free range.

Roses are red,

my life is a disaster,

the children are fast,

but the combine is F A S T E R!

Why did the people get a chicken?

To make eggs.

What did the potato say when the sweet potato told it to hurry?

I yam.

Where does cotton candy come from? The cotton pickers!

Why did the rapper start gardening?

He wanted to get more ROOTS in his rhymes.

What’s the difference between a cow and Hitler jokes?

You can’t milk the cow after 12 years.

1. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.

2. Why did the melon jump into the lake? It wanted to be a water-melon.

3. What did the duck say when it bought lipstick? “Put it on my bill.”

4. What do you call a pig that does karate? A pork chop.

5. What has a bed that you can’t sleep in? A river.

6. Why were the teacher’s eyes crossed? She couldn’t control her pupils.

7. What starts with E, ends with E, and has only 1 letter in it? An Envelope.

8. How does the ocean say hello? It waves.

9. What lights up a soccer stadium? A soccer match.

10. What creature is smarter than a talking parrot? A spelling bee.

11. Which U.S. state has the smallest soft drinks? Minnesota (as in, “mini-soda”).

12. Why couldn’t the leopard play hide and seek? Because he was always spotted.

13. Apparently, you can’t use “beef stew” as a password. It’s not stroganoff.

14. Why did the drum take a nap? It was beat.

15. Where do hamburgers go dancing? They go to the meat-ball.

16. Why did the tomato turn red? It saw the salad dressing.

17. Why shouldn’t you write with a broken pencil? Because it’s pointless.

Four cows went to the county fair. They saw a sign that said that next year animals can enter a singing contest. They decided that they would enter next year. So they called their group the "4 Cs Quartet" since their names were Clementine, Candy, Cookie, and Columbine.

They discovered how they could win. After a discussion, they decided to eat as much corn as possible, so they would sing in perfect 4 part hominy.