Agriculture jokes
What do you call a cow with no legs?
(Answer) Ground beef.
Sorry for a bad joke.
What's the difference between apples and orphans?
An apple gets picked.
What's the difference between an orphan and a vegetable?
The vegetable gets picked.
What do grapes 🍇 love most about family?
Raisin kids!
So, I remember growing my own peanuts really well. There's one that's larger than the others. I can't keep my eye off of it.
I'm scared that it moves at night.
I'm being serious. I literally can't keep my eye off it.
What do you call a scared cow?
A COW-ard.
What's a cow's strongest part of their body?
Their "calves"!
Why do cow milking stools only have three legs?
Because the cow has the udder!
What is a cow’s favorite newspaper?
The Daily Moos.
As a lifelong farmer, I was excited that Ligue 1 was moving up the UEFA ranking toward an Industrial Revolution and I can finally leave the farm. Alas, Pessi joined and we went down a rank because he is so finished. Shame on you Pessi, now I have to go back to shoveling cow shit.
Why did the people get a chicken?
To make eggs.
She said you can twerk, so I put her in a tractor and put her to work. She got mad at me and said, "There's no good men," but I gave her a kob and equal pay!
How are orphans and apples different?
One gets picked.
How do you f**k a sheep?
Put your d**k in it and face it off the cliff edge. It'll keep going backwards as you push forwards.
A pair of cows were talking in the field. One says, "Have you heard about the mad cow disease that's going around?"
"Yeah," the other cow says. "Makes me glad I'm a penguin."
What is the difference between an orphan and an apple?
Apples get picked.
I love almond milk. It’s unlike any udder milk.
Why couldn’t the peanut finish the project?
Work came to a grinding halt.
What is a popular name for girl peanuts?
Michelle.
What kind of nuts come in cans?
Creamed a-corn.