Aed jokes
What time does a duck wake up? At the quack of dawn.
What do you call a duck that can fix anything? Duck tape.
Donald Trump and the Pope were standing on a platform in front of a crowd of people. The Pope said to Donald Trump, “I can make everyone in this audience happy with one small swipe of my hand.”
Donald Trump replies, “That’s not possible. You’ll have to show me.” Then the Pope slaps him.
A kid was asking a mother for money.
Mother: Sorry, I don't have money.
The kid kept asking the mother for money.
Mother: I already told you I don't have money.
The kid (the middle child): I'm your fucking child!
I didn't mean to call an Afghanistan hotline. I told them I was depressed, then they asked if I know how to drive a truck. I don't know how that has anything to do with it!
What's the difference between a dad and an Emo?
They both don't last a while.
Your mum's so dumb, she thought Pornhub was a corn hub!
I saw a news ad on TV about a dad coming home after getting milk. I said, "I've never seen that one before!"
What is the road on a hill?
Hillside.
A joker gives Batman a coupon for new parents. It's expired.
What’s the difference between candy and an orphan?
Candy is something everybody wants.
Little Johnny wanted a lolly, so his dada gave him dick.
My friend has glasses, and we were talking about owls, and I told my friend to give an owl glasses. I told my friend that it'd be a spectacled owl!
If boys are like sports because they are easy to play, then girls are like a sandwich. They are nice at first, but they're crusty after.
I got a GTR yesterday, now my kids say, "GTR we there yet?"
Bully: My d*ck is longer than your password. Me: I don't have a password. So you *won't* have a d*ck after I tear it off you.
I was bullying a little kid for having a purple eye and said, "Where'd you get that? Your mom? Your dad?"
After that, everyone in my group was laughing at the kid. The next day I never saw him again.
As a murderer, I stabbed a man after infiltrating his house. His wife came in and saw me. She fell into tears. I got up and said, "Drama queen!"
To the guy in a wheelchair who stole my camouflage coat: you can hide, but you can't run.
I had a huge crush on this girl when I was eight. One recess we met together on the playground, and she brought me to the corner of the playground. That was my first kiss, and from there it got serious. I told my parents a week later and they freaked out, called the police, and they arrested my crush. I miss Mrs. Johnson.