Aed jokes
Little Johnny's neighbor just had a baby. He got invited to dinner with his neighbor. Little Johnny's dad said if he mentioned "ears" he will get a spank.
So Johnny looked in the bassinet. They were talking about the new baby. Johnny's mum said, "What beautiful eyes."
"That is great," said little Johnny, "because he will be stuffed if he needed glasses."
Why does the Queen play poker on the toilet?
Because she always gets a Royal flush!
A young peasant coming from the field with his scythe on his shoulder notices an attractive young woman that was doing the laundry in a mountain stream, perched on some rocks near a waterfall.
The guy stops and leans against his scythe, fascinated by the young girl's beauty.
After minutes of watching her, she loses her balance, slips on a rock and falls all the way down, crushing her head on the white rocks.
Thoughtful, he puts his scythe back on his shoulder and walks away, saying to himself "Damn, another washing machine destroyed by limestone!"
What does Justin Bieber and a rabbit have in common?
They're both adorably cute and everyone loves them except for Justin Bieber.
So, I went up to an emo and I said, "Why did you steal my bar code from my chips?"
What's a name orphans hate to be called?
"Homie."
My friend just got hit by a car and is now in a wheelchair. He is getting bullied, but I don’t understand why he just can’t stand up for himself.
What do you call a flying Aboriginal?
Boong 747.
Two people are in a restaurant. Person #1 doesn’t order anything, and Person #2 orders a chili.
Person #1: “Aren’t you gonna eat your bowl of chili?”
Person #2: “No, you can have it.”
Person #1: “Ok, thanks...”
Person 1 starts eating his food only to find half of a dead rat! He vomits all of the food back into the bowl.
Person #2: “That’s about as far as I got too!”
"Rock-a-bye baby on the treetop, When the wind blows, the baby will drop. Then the baby will lay on the ground, Not moving a muscle, not making a sound."
Why did the penis go fly?
Because a girl sucked it too hard, it went flying away.
i raped a dog. When asked how her experience was, she said ruff
You're so skinny that your mom had to use a whole shampoo bottle on your head, but she still couldn’t find you.
Your hairline looks like a car!
On a winter day many play.
Some with snow, and I with ice Used as a device to slice Somehow I'm colder now.
What’s the difference between your wife and a light switch?
I don’t turn on a light switch.
What type of doctor is Doctor Pepper?
A fizzician.
One day, I was walking through a park when I realized it was crowded.
To this day, I still don't know who let the children out of my basement.
Me walking away after committing murder in a school with my trusty “friend”.
Why were the baker's hands brown?
Because he was kneading a poop.