Aed jokes
When you see someone with a double chin that’s sad:
Hey come on, man, keep your chin up. Wait, which one?
Yo body so plastic that a turtle could choke on your peeled skin!
What does McDonald's and a paedophile have in common?
They both like sticking their meat in ten-year-olds.
My favorite dark joke is orphan jokes. For no apparent reason.
(If you see this joke with a blue "S" that's also me. I just have an acc now.)
What is a Manchester United fan’s favourite TV channel? The History Channel.
What's the fastest thing on earth?
An Ethiopian with a McDonald's Voucher.
What do you do if you see a nigger shot 50 times? Stop laughing and reload.
A man was shaving in the bathroom when all of a sudden Bubba, the boy he payed to mow his lawn, comes in to take a piss. The man can't help but look over his shoulder and he is surprised at how well endowed he is, and he asks: "Bubba, what's your secret?"
Bubba replies: "Well, every night before I get in bed with a woman I whack my dick on the bedpost three times. It works, and it sure impresses the girls!"
The man was excited at this easy suggestion and decided to try it that very night, before he went to bed with his wife. So he got to bed and whacked his dick on the bedpost three times and the wife wakes up and says "Bubba, is that you?"
Did you know that McDonald's have a new McScully burger?
It's a 59-year-old piece of meat in a 2-year-old bun.
I want some cheeseburgers just to eat. I'm talkin' ketchup. My n***a mustard on that BEAT!
I saw a guy crossing a street once. The light was red.
You think you're funny? Look at your hairline; it looks like a McDonald's sample.
What is an astronaut's favorite letter on a keyboard?
SPACE.
Just accidentally emailed a porn link to a co-worker... So I emailed ten other co-workers the link and called it a virus.
Are you a building?
Cuz I rate you 9/11.
Someone walks up to his dad and says, "Dad, what’s the difference between potentiality and reality?" Soo ok, the dad says to the son, "Go ask your mother, sister, and your brother if they’d sleep with the postman for $1,000,000." So the son comes back 5 minutes later and said, "Dad, they all said they would sleep with the postman." So, son, potentially, we have a million dollars, but in reality, we have two sluts and a gay one."
What time is it when it turns 13 o'clock?
Time to get a new watch.
I can’t remember if I already said this or not. I might have already said this. Also, this is a true story.
So, I’m walking into a store in Amish country, and there’s this guy with a bear trap. Then my mom’s friend says, "This guy’s gonna catch some bears." Then the Amish guy stops, looks around, and whispers, “It’s for democrats.”
So here’s this funny story, and it’s true.
So my mom has this friend. When this guy was a kid, he was on the school bus, and this Mexican kid checked him into the aisle, so he hits him across the face with a metal lunchbox, and he started bleeding. Then they both get banned from the bus for a few days, so him and his dad drive to the Mexican kids house, and his dad says to the Mexican kids dad “if your kid ever picks on my kid again, I’m gonna come back to this house and kick your ass!”
If the genie from Aladdin was here, my three wishes would be for you to die, your kids to have a miserable life, and for everyone you love to die.