Aed jokes

Me and my wife decided we would only smoke after sex.

I'm still on the first pack. She's up to 2 packs a week.

A guy goes into the gas station and says, "I need a box of rubbers with pesticide."

The cashier said, "Pesticide? Don't you mean spermicide?"

The guy says, "No! My old lady has had a bug up her ass all week, and I am going to kill it."

My wife is so fat.

She asked me to get on top; I had to get a step ladder. When I got up there, my ears popped, and the air was so thin. I had to have two Sherpas drag me off the mountain.

My wife is so fat, she gets home, her ass gets home a half hour later.

My wife is so fat! When she goes swimming, she leaves a ring around the lake.

Teacher: What comes after C?

Me: Ooh! Ooh! C4!

Teacher: Umm, ok... but still what comes after A?

Me: AK47!!!

Teacher thought: Oh hell na.

Teacher: What comes after X?

Me: Xplosin.

1 second later, bomb goes off. Idk.

Me rn: "Yo yo yo, for pre-K I went to K.I.S.S. a school."

My friend: "What is K.I.S.M.A.?"

Me: "K.I.S.M.A. balls!"

Me going to the principal's after telling the kid with a wheelchair to stand up for himself.

I hate school. I mean, why can't you pull out a 12 gauge and shoot everyone, including the teachers?! This generation is too soft, man.

You're so skinny, you can barely fit through a door crack.

Yo hairline so ugly, when you go to school you fall on a line.

What does an orphan's life and a pseudoword have in common?

They both have no meaning.

Math Teacher: "If I have 5 bottles in one hand and 6 in the other hand, what do I have?"

Student: "A drinking problem."

I got arrested on suspicion of attempted rape all because I was carrying some cable ties, a bit of tape and a piece of cloth. It's such a joke, I hadn't even bought the chloroform yet.

I was sitting at a bench at the park and saw a lady. She asked which kid was mine, and I responded, "I haven't decided yet."

A bomb is like a baby; when you drop it, everyone screams.

A priest says to me, "Come up, my child." Then I said, "Do I know you? Because you're not my father."

The Titanic is now a resort for fish.

If a fat person were to go on a flying car, it will just be at the ground. When they exit, it will just fly up.

How many people do you need to change a lightbulb?

Three. The first holds the ladder, the second one holds the lightbulb, and the third one spins the ladder.