Aed jokes
What's simultaneously up and down?
A retard on a plane.
How do you tell if a loaf of bread has Down Syndrome?
It has an extra crumb-osome.
What do you call someone with Down Syndrome who smokes weed?
A baked potato.
How many Alzheimer's patients does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
To get to the other side!
What's a Mexican's favorite sport?
Cross country.
I saw a fortune teller the other day. She told me I would come into some money.
Last night, I fucked a chick named Penny. What are the odds?
What is it called when the gynecologist slanders your grandfather?
A pap smear.
What do you call a Jamaican proctologist?
Pokémon!
What's a ghost's favorite drink?
Ghoul-aid!
I tried having a three-way with two physicists, but they couldn't solve the three-body problem.
Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar.
One turns to the other and says, "I think I've lost my electron."
The other asks, "Are you sure?"
"Yes," the first says, "I'm positive!"
A blind man once told me he smokes a lot because he has nothing to look forward to. Well, let's just say that I see his point.
How many hipsters does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
It's some weird number. You probably never heard of it.
What is a vegetarian's favorite song?
No beef.
Jesus seemed like he was probably a good guy; healed the sick, fed the hungry, and gave good advice.
Jesus had only one flaw: he was always hanging around.
Why was the computer late to work?
Because it had a hard drive!
What's the difference between PMS and a terrorist?
You can negotiate with the terrorist.
Where do kittens go on a field trip?
The meowseum.
What's the difference between a baby and a salad?
Most people don't get angry when you toss a salad.
Odo walks down the alley and turns into a bar.