Aed jokes
How many babies does it take to shingle a roof? Depends on how thin you slice them. -Hope Marie Lawson
What do you call a dead parrot?
Polygon.
What do you call a Mexican who lost his car?
- Carlos.
You know your doctor is gay when he asks you to touch your toes, and then you feel a rub on your back and a tickle on your anus.
I had a dream about the whole ocean being filled with orange soda.
Turns out it was a Fanta sea.
JFK did a good job spreading around on his final speech.
Death once had a near Chuck Norris experience...
Mosely in a white van.
What's the difference between a pile of dead babies and a Porsche?
I don't have a Porsche in the garage.
Yo mama so stupid, she stared at a juice box because it said concentrate.
What do you call a plane with no wings? Sally.
What do you call a dog that can do magic?
A Labracadabrador.
What do a coin and an Irish man have in common?
They're both fun to flip off.
What do you do with a dog that has no legs?
Take him for a drag.
What is Beethoven's favorite fruit?
A Ba-na-na-na! (To the tune of Beethoven's 5th symphony)
What is the difference between an old chest and a kid? One doesn't cry when you drop it in the basement.
I did a ton of work today, a skele-ton.
A horse and a bear walk into a bar... Oh wait, can't tell that one!
Did you hear that Stephen Hawking wrote a new book? It's called "Around The House in Eighty Days."
A man goes to the library to find the best book about committing suicide. So when he asks the librarian, "What's the best book on committing suicide?" The librarian said, "Oh, fuck off...you won't bring it back anyway."