Aed jokes
A man was reported stealing a bar of soap from a corner store. The police concluded that he made a clean getaway.
A hot dog and a banana had a race. Who won?
The wiener.
I was finally released from jail a year after I beat up someone on New Year’s Eve.
Don’t blame me for being suspicious of an Arabian counting down from ten.
My sister thinks she's so smart. She said, "Onions are the only food that makes you cry." So I threw a coconut at her.
What can you tell a dog, but not your girlfriend? Come.
What do you call a bad amputation?
A rip-off.
What's the difference between fruit and a freshly killed corpse?
I don't eat the fruit.
Why is there air conditioning at a hospital?
To keep the vegetables cool and fresh.
Yum!
Guy: Say "I'm a man" every time I stop.
Person:
Guy: You walk into a bar.
Person: I'm a man.
Guy: You meet a girl.
Person: I'm a man.
Guy: You and the girl go to a hotel.
Person: I'm a man.
Guy: You guys go on a bed.
Person: I'm a man.
Guy: She whispers into your ear...
Person: I'm a man!
What do women and airplanes have in common?
A cockpit.
What is the difference between Sir Isaac Newton and the baby I just stabbed?
Sir Isaac Newton died a virgin.
How do you confuse a blonde? Paint yourself green and throw spoons at her.
what do you call a drunken sailer?
arrested.
Some moving men had just begun their day's work.
The first thing they brought into the house was a huge couch.
The owner came in and asked how everything was going. They replied, "Sofa so good."
A man walks into a bar with a piece of asphalt under his arm. The bartender asks what he wants. The man says, "I would like one beer for me and one for the road."
If a wizard gets robbed by a muggle, has he been muggled?
A boy breaks a vase, and his mom says it's ok, honey, mistakes happen. How do you think you were born?
A horse walks into a bar. Several people get up and leave, realizing the potential danger in the situation.
What do you call a homeless orphan?
Homo-less.
Hey girl, is that an ass seen on TV, 'cause I'd buy it.