Aed jokes
A random guy yelled at me, "Hey, slut!"
I walked towards him.
"I prefer slit," I said.
"Why?" He asked.
"You see these wrists?" I spat at him.
A friend asked me, "Where are you going?"
I answered, "6 feet underground."
What did the first guy say to the second?
Wanna shove a banana up yo ass?
What's black, anorexic, dumb, and will never get a girlfriend?
Me.
Why can't bugs drive... because they don't have a LICE-ens...
BA-DUM CHHH!
Bosses are like seagulls.
They fly in, make a lot of noise, crap all over everything, then fly out.
"Confucius say: Man go asy, full retard. It's an art, a weapon, and a lifestyle. Once you go full retard, there is no going back."
A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer, who was also a blonde.
The blonde cop asked to see the blonde driver's license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated.
'What does it look like?' she finally asked. The policewoman replied, 'It's square and it has you picture on it.'
The driver finally found a square mirror in her purse, looked at it and handed it to the policewoman. 'Here it is,' she said.
The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, "OK, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop..."
There was a blind man in WWE, and the commentator said, "Watch out! Watch... Oh, he can’t see." After he was sued for national offense.
A blonde crashed a helicopter. A police officer asked her what happened. She says, "It got cold so I turned off the fan."
What present can a pimp always buy his hoes to both show how much he thinks of them and know they can never get enough of?
Condoms!
What do you not want to do when it comes to giving an emo a job?
Showing them the ropes.
Why should you never give Elsa a balloon?
'Cause she will let it go.
You know, it's only considered murder if there's a body. Otherwise, it's just a missing person.
What’s the difference between a mosquito and a blonde girl?
One stops sucking when you smack it.
What's the grossest thing ever?
A bag of dead babies.
What's even more gross?
The bottom one is still wriggling!
There's three kids: Little Drop, Little Feather, and Little Brick. Little Feather goes, "Mommy, why do you call me L'feather?" She answers, "Cuz a little feather fell over your head when you were born." L'Drop asks his mom, "Mommy, why do you call me L'drop?" She answers, "Cuz a little drop fell on your head when you were born." L'brick goes, "aafddkcasgbklcdahjkcbgtnhrfn."
What is similar about the feelings of a girl's birth daddy and her new pimp daddy?
They both worry about how she will turn out!
Why does the pimp always use job fairs as a way of recruiting new hoes?
He always gets a great turnout.
Why did the child cross the road?
To get to the church.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
The Priest... Let's go to my office, because I'm totally not a pedophile.