Aed jokes
What animal do you always find at a baseball game? A bat.
What sound does a nut make when it sneezes? Cashew.
What's the difference between you and me? You're not strangling a man with a cloak on.
A guy was on trial for murder, and if convicted, would get the electric chair. His brother found out that a redneck was on the jury and figured he would be the one to bribe. He told the redneck that he would be paid $10,000 if he could convince the rest of the jury to reduce the charge to manslaughter.
The jury was out an entire week and returned with a verdict of manslaughter.
After the trial, the brother went to the redneck's house, told him what a great job he had done, and paid him the $10,000.
The redneck replied that it wasn't easy to convince the rest of the jury to change the charge to manslaughter. They all thought he was not guilty and wanted to let him go.
Where was Stephen Hawking buried?
In a black hole. 😂🤣
There are 4 people in a line. Three stand up and say "We are standing up for cancer," and then there's the one in the wheelchair.
Two people just met. One said, “We should do some bonding.” The other nodded and said back, “Titanic.” The first just looked confused so the second one just said, “Sorry, thought that would be a good icebreaker.”
If I place a slide on the edge of a cliff or a really high building, would going down it be considered "suislide"?
Asking for a friend.
Yo mama so hot, she can fit in a mug.
Sign outside a hair salon: "We'll color your hair or dye trying."
A man was sitting in the restaurant and ordered a whole buffet. He is visited by an oracle. Apollo says, "If you eat that buffet, everyone you love will die."
"Up yours," the man said, "What are they going to die of, famine?"
Moments later, there was an incident that took place in the restaurant. Everyone literally died. It turned out the restaurant had a B-. I said, "Is that really a thing groaning on the hospital?"
The doctor said, "Know that is your condition, you have hepatitis B-."
"What the FU***** SH**"
Apollo is sitting in Mount Olympus, dying also in laughter.
I am sick and tired of horror movies; it is always the stupid ones that die first. When you see a guy in a dark, bloody coat and a knife, he ain't there to just look at yah run; don't scream, run!
I may not be that good with puns on this site, but I got a skele-ton of jokes. Hey, what's the matter pal, is there something crawling under your skin?
What do you call a nosy pepper?
Jalapeno.
Why is Helen Keller's snatch always sore?
She wipes with a Brillo pad.
Why is Helen Keller's child blind too? She always fed it with a fork!
Why does Helen Keller loom in the toilet after taking a poop?
Nobody knows!
I know a little girl who once had an accident. When I asked her what her favorite song was, she responded with "🎶Head, shoulders, wheels, and frame! Wheels and frame!🎶"
How can you save a depressed person from a tree?
You cut the rope.
Why can't two Asians make a white baby?
Because two wongs don't make a white.