Aed jokes
I drew a fist on a body, and then I drew a guy saying to him, "That dude's a knucklehead!"
Why is a moon rock tastier than an Earth rock?
Because it’s a little meteor.
A priest is drowning in a river. A boat comes along and asks to help him. He says, "Leave me alone, God will save me." The next day another boat came along and asked to help him. Again he said, "Leave me alone, God will save me." The next day the last boat came and asked to help him. Once again he told the boat that God will save him. The next day he died. He went to heaven and asked God, "Why didn't you save me?" God said, "I sent you three f***ing boats and you didn't take them!"
I told my sister a Dairy joke.
She said it was cheesy.
Guy is at athletic meet. Asks guy if he is a pole vaulter.
He replies, "No I am German and how did you know my name was Walter?"
What does NASA stand for?
Not A Space Agency.
My mom got a clown for my birthday, but it ended up being my sister. 🤡
Are you a toaster? 'Cause I wanna take a bath with you.
Are you a knife? 'Cause you make me wanna KMS.
Are you a painting? 'Cause I hang you.
Are you the flu? 'Cause you make me wanna hurl.
Are you a newspaper? 'Cause you have new problems every day.
Are you the ground? 'Cause I'm six feet deep in you ;)
Q: What did the deaf, dumb, and blind kid get for Christmas?
A: Leukemia.
What do you call a musician 👩🎤 who drinks soda and sings 🎤 at the same time?
A popsinger.
What do you call a sick eagle?
Ill-eagle! 😂
Living in Houston, Texas, and realizing that hurricanes are an annual threat, my ex-wife called me and asked what would be the safest route to get out of Houston to avoid a hurricane. My answer? Take the 610 loop, dear!
Why can't orphans work at S.C. Johnson?
Cause it's a family company.
This man walks into a bar and says, "How do I get service here?"
The assistant bar attendant tells him to take a seat as the bartender will be there to serve him shortly. After 2 minutes, the man says this is ridiculous, that he has to wait. The assistant then offers him a bar snack of free nuts, which the man duly eats. Another 2 minutes go by, and the man then says, "OK, I get it, no service of beer, but free nuts," to which the assistant says, "Hell no, the game starts in 10 minutes." Everyone laughs and claps.
What goes in and takes a while to come out?
A farmer has 3 fat ugly cows. One is named Xia. The next is named Chiang. What's the third?
Yu.
One day, Billy cow wandered off to the railroad tracks where his mother always told him not to go. His mother asked him where he had gone when he got home. He replied that he was just going for a graze. His neighbor later told his mother he had saw him at the railroad tracks. What would you call Billy cow now?
Ground Beef.
There are more genders than there are cars in a Walmart parking lot.
What do you call a ghost bee?
Boobees.
Why can't orphans eat a large bag of chips? Because they're family size.