Aed jokes

Are you a bullet? Because you go straight through my head.

My girl asked me if I had seen a gorilla anywhere. I told her yes, I did see one a minute ago at the Central Park Zoo. He said if you don't behave, he will take you back to the jungle and have your ass abandoned for good.

Why would you leave a damn gorilla out in the middle of the parking lot after you let the zookeeper bring a chimpanzee home from the zoo because me and the gorilla had too much to drink?

Kid: "THERE'S A SHOOTER IN THE BUILDING!"

Shooter: "Oops."

When you're at a funeral and you laugh at the body... everyone stares, and one person said, "Isn't that your mom...?"

I told Hellen Keller it was a hair dryer, little did she know it was a Glock.

Why is it wrong to put a beef or turkey patty in a burger?

'Cause it's a ham-burger, isn't it?

Q: Gaining weight is gonna be a piece of cake.

What would be a pet's favorite thing to click on on this website?

Cat-egories.

Get it?

Why do cats like to sleep on the floor?

'Cause it's a car-PET.

What do you call a group of black people?

A hoodie.

What would you name a detective if he didn't already have a name?

Cassie.

Get it?

What's a rock band that has four men that don't sing?

Mount Rushmore.

Two kids were beating up a kid in an alley, so I stepped in to help. He didn’t stand a chance against the three of us.

I'm in school lol.

I went to my local shooting range today but was surprised when I saw on the news that there was a school shooting in my shooting range. I don't know who snitched...

Why did the 18-year-old girl need a ladder to go to school?

Because it was High School.

Q: Why did the cow touch an electric fence?

A: Because it wanted to get electrocowted! 🐄

You: Find a time clock that can change time.

Your friend the next day: Hey, can I borrow yo' house?

You: No, I'm trying to figure out what to do with my TIME!

Also you: Changes the time back to 1267 so you don't have to have that friend again.

What is another name for a stupid fish?

"Dum bass."

Q: I'm a famous athlete and I've got a lot of fans.

A: Is that why I never see you sweat?