Actuality jokes

Do you wanna know how I recently seduced an obese woman? Actually, it was a piece of cake.

I actually think Paul Walker was a good man, he did not deserve to be burned alive.

He had a change of race tho when he died.

Q: Why do orphans love boomerangs?

A: Because they actually come back.

My only friend who actually cares: "Stop making suicide jokes, I’m really concerned!"

Me: Okay, I’ll cut it out.

What’s the difference between a feminist and a school shooter?

A school shooter actually makes an impact on its targets.

The last joke about the dad was a joke. Don't take it seriously. Can't believe that people actually think that was true.

Imagine if on April first the government says, "Hahhaha, you all fell for it. Covid-19 is fake; we actually killed all those people, lol."

Hi, I was a feminist until I realised that:

A. Feminism is just a pile of dumb shit.

B. That men are actually treated unequally.

SO

we should all say sorry to the boys for pissing them off.

There is a feminist group in my town.

It is called Gal-Qaeda.

(I actually got this from The Simpsons, so credit to the show.)

What's the point of hiding the screaming speed bump you ran over? You might as well hit it again to A: Stop the screaming. B: Make it look like an actual speed bump. And C... You think it's hilarious the noise it makes when you ran over its stomach.

In jail, why is the white guy scarier than the black guy? Because the white guy actually did something.

Why was the clown sad?

He broke his funny bone. PS: "funny bone" is not actually a bone.

Jack and Jill went up the Jill so Jack could lick Jill's fanny, but Jack had a shock with a mouthful of cock because was actually a tranny.

A girl said to me yesterday, "I don't know why men act like they are better than women, we all know women are supreme." I was confused, so I asked her how, and she told me, "Well, us women have a pussy, ass, and tits, while guys only have a penis. Women have 3 things while guys only have 1. Women are obviously supreme over men." I told her, "Actually, guys have more than women." "How so?" "Men have rights."

What’s the difference between a suicide bomber and a feminist? A suicide bomber actually does something when triggered.

How to make an orphan BLEED?

Step 1 - Tell them to clap until they actually have a loving family.

Step 2 - LAUGH EVILLY as they BLEED.

Step 3 - Tell them to kys.

Step 4 - Leave that mental asylum.

Can bees fly higher than Mt. Everest? No? Actually, they can. Mt. Everest can't fly.

What's the difference between what Bill Cosby did and what OJ Simpson did? OJ Simpson's victims actually suffered and I actually feel bad for them (the boyfriend at least).

Why is Kanye West's haircut actually years of work by many doctors to piece together skull fragments like a jigsaw puzzle?

Because Kanye once interrupted Chuck Norris on the set of "Walker Texas Ranger."

A little girl was sitting with some other kids. She thought to herself, "I want to have kids when I'm older, at least they’ll have a home, parents, and hopefully a dad that actually came back with the milk!" 🤣😂