Actuality jokes
I wish I was a policeman, 'cause then I would actually have a gun to shoot myself with.
Did you hear about the terrorist comedian?
He was actually quite funny...
He just blew the delivery.
(I'll show myself out).
Why don't a gun and an orphan have anything in common? The gun is actually useful.
How did Technoblade actually die?
He got stabbed!
Y’all can actually see them at all, my toe.
screw global warming
One day my pet barked at me and so I got scared and was my dad actually. It was weird, you should’ve saw him and so the day goes on because he likes to run around the house that he likes to do it out 😂😂😂😂😱
Rape jokes aren’t funny. People like me that are actually victims of rape are triggered by them.
What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?
One actually gets picked.
Why do orphans love blowjobs?
Because they actually get kissed!
[God creating the parrot] OK, HOW ABOUT A TYE-DYE CHICKEN THAT SCREAMS ACTUAL WORDS AT YOU?
How did Stephen Hawking actually die?
He lost Wi-Fi connection.
My mom telling me the brief history of the blanket and how she received it from her cousin. ( ╹▽╹ )
Me sitting anxiously in place pretending to be amazed by the story, and reacting with kind cheerfulness and a big smile. (◍•ᴗ•◍)
All I can actually think about: "I m@sturbated under it- aaaaaah" ಠ◡ಠ
Dang... if I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put D IN U ;)
I only know there are 25 letters in the alphabet, I don't know Y.
(Me: How many letters are in the alphabet?) -- (Friend: 11- T-H-E-- A-L-P-H-A-B-E-T)
(Me: There are 20 letters in the alphabet, right?) -- (Crush: No, there is actually 26.) -- (Me: oooOoh, I forgot u r a qt! So its acdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz?) -- (Crush: You forgot the D) -- (Me: That's not needed yet ;])
What letter is really hot? T
C = cOCK O = CoCK C = COcK K = COCk COCK = cock cock = COCK
ME SExUAL SRrY LoL
You know that the F in orphan may stand for family, but it actually stands for "fuck family."
What's the difference between an orphan and a flower?
The flowers actually get picked.
What is an orphan's favorite toy?
A boomerang because it actually comes back.
Why do orphans want a sugar daddy?
They actually can call someone "daddy!"
Why do orphans like boomerangs? Because they actually come back.
Why are the Twin Towers actually twins?
Their birth and death date are the same.
What is the difference between an orphan and an apple?
The apple actually gets picked.