Actuality jokes
Why don't churches have Wi-Fi?
They can't compete with an invisible force that actually works.
What's the difference between Paul Walker and my computer?
When my computer crashes, I actually give a fuck.
I wish I was a policeman, 'cause then I would actually have a gun to shoot myself with.
Y’all can actually see them at all, my toe.
Did you hear about the terrorist comedian?
He was actually quite funny...
He just blew the delivery.
(I'll show myself out).
How did Technoblade actually die?
He got stabbed!
Why don't a gun and an orphan have anything in common? The gun is actually useful.
One day my pet barked at me and so I got scared and was my dad actually. It was weird, you should’ve saw him and so the day goes on because he likes to run around the house that he likes to do it out 😂😂😂😂😱
Rape jokes aren’t funny. People like me that are actually victims of rape are triggered by them.
[God creating the parrot] OK, HOW ABOUT A TYE-DYE CHICKEN THAT SCREAMS ACTUAL WORDS AT YOU?
Why do orphans love blowjobs?
Because they actually get kissed!
What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?
One actually gets picked.
How did Stephen Hawking actually die?
He lost Wi-Fi connection.
My mom telling me the brief history of the blanket and how she received it from her cousin. ( ╹▽╹ )
Me sitting anxiously in place pretending to be amazed by the story, and reacting with kind cheerfulness and a big smile. (◍•ᴗ•◍)
All I can actually think about: "I m@sturbated under it- aaaaaah" ಠ◡ಠ
Dang... if I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put D IN U ;)
I only know there are 25 letters in the alphabet, I don't know Y.
(Me: How many letters are in the alphabet?) -- (Friend: 11- T-H-E-- A-L-P-H-A-B-E-T)
(Me: There are 20 letters in the alphabet, right?) -- (Crush: No, there is actually 26.) -- (Me: oooOoh, I forgot u r a qt! So its acdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz?) -- (Crush: You forgot the D) -- (Me: That's not needed yet ;])
What letter is really hot? T
C = cOCK O = CoCK C = COcK K = COCk COCK = cock cock = COCK
ME SExUAL SRrY LoL
DEPRESSION SPEEDRUN starter-kit:
* Parental issues * Money problems * Genetic likeliness * Horrible friends * Annoying neighbors/classmates * School * Being alive * Actually being a good person for once * Giving a f#ck * War-ridden area * All future options kinda suck
What are you doing, son? It has been an hour, and you are still in front of the mirror closing your eyes.
Mum, actually I want to see how I look while sleeping...
Why are the Twin Towers actually twins?
Their birth and death date are the same.
What’s the difference in an apple and an orphan?
One actually gets picked.
I swear bro, this time I don't want any jokes on 9/11. Like people actually died, like that shit is just plane wrong. 💀