Actuality jokes
What's an orphan's favorite toy?
A boomerang because it actually comes back.
Why do orphans like going to church?
Because they actually get to say "father" for once.
What is the difference between an orphan and an apple?
The apple actually gets picked.
[concert] SINGER: How's everyone doin' tonight? CROWD: Woo! ME (from the back in a normal speaking voice): It's actually been a tough few months.
What part in the body does an adult not need but actually needs to live?
A KIDNey!
What is the difference between apples and orphans?
Apples actually get picked.
A disabled man stands up.
A blind man says, "You can stand?"
A deaf man says, "You can see?"
A mute person says, "You can hear?"
The disabled man says, "You can talk!"
Doctor: "What the actual f**k"
Isn't it ironic that the actually nice people tend to be suicidal?
Think about it: suicide exists to make sure bad people bother each other instead.
Why is a boomerang an orphan's favorite toy? Because it actually comes back.
President Chumples memorialised Charlie Kirk by saying, "He had a real shot at being president."
That's not a joke. The fat fuck actually said that after pan face got shot.
Why do orphans love GTA?
Because they are actually wanted!
The patient said, "When will this be over?"
The doctor said, "After you die."
The patient says, "Was that a morbid joke?"
The doctor says, "Well, um, actually, you'll die because we broke the needles and the cure."
The patient says, "Well, it's a bright day, maybe if you weren't clumsy!"
Why do orphans like boomerangs?
Because they actually come back.
So.. err actually, don’t worry. I was gonna make a joke about dead babies, but I had to abort.
Me: What has two legs and bleeds?
Friend: Um, women? Obviously?
Me: Actually, half a dog. So you're still right.
Is someone who is tardy again actually "retardy"?
A guy says to his dog, "Where are you?" The dog was actually dead, bro.
1) Did you hear the one about the school shooting? Actually, I better not... You wouldn't understand, it's aimed more towards a younger audience.
2) 6 was scared cuz 7 8 9, so why was 10 scared? Because it was in between 9/11.
3) 10 dead babies.
Wanna know why the plane actually crashed?
Someone turned off flight mode.
(Or a kid just turned on airplane mode.)
I wrote a song about tortillas...
Actually, it's more of a wrap.