Accident jokes

NWA: Straight Outta Compton.

Kobe Bryant: Straight Outta the Helicopter.

Why did I cross the road to might get hit by a car or a bus?

My dad died the other day, but I was able to hear his last words: "Son, are you still holding the ladder?"

This whole string is really messed up. Y'all should be ashamed of yourselves. I just heard the audio recording of the crash and it said, "HE'S ON FIRE! BOOM SHAKALAKA!"

Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He’s all right now.

Today I gave a blind guy a gun and told him it was a hair dryer. Since I have no fingerprints, the police said it was suicide. I guess you can say I took care of him!

best friend makes 9/11 joke.

you: "hey, my dad was inside the tower."

best friend: "I'm sorry."

you: "I always knew he was a great pilot."

Racecar backwards is racecar, but racecar sideways is how Paul Walker died.

So, I’m not sure if it’s a joke, but I thought it was funny. So imagine you try to die by shooting yourself, but you sneeze and pull the trigger... I don't know about you, but I would’ve been mad. Because wtf, I wasn’t readyyyy!

I hate sitting in traffic, I always get run over.

One of my earliest memories is seeing my mother's face through the oven window as we played hide and seek, and she said: "You're getting warmer!"

He turns, he shoots!

And that is a horrible end to the Grand National...

I would say fly high to Kobe, but obviously he didn't...

In other news, we are hearing of a nasty helicopter crash on the M4. Let's cross live to our eye-in-the-sky, Mark. Mark?

I would like to dedicate this song to a friend of mine, who was run over last week and is in hospital.

The wheels on the bus go round and round!

When you put the chicken in the oven, it goes down, and the oven explodes. The oven and smoke and everything is fire and on fire and flies to the grass, and all goes back.

My grandad was shocked to learn that lightning can strike in the same place twice.

I would make a joke about Kobe, but I don't think it would fly very well.

Why did Sally fall dead?

Because she was on top of a tower and fell because she had no arms. Hahahahaha!

I hit something when I pulled into my driveway.

And then I noticed that my cat was missing.