Acceptance jokes
What’s the difference between a girlfriend and a train? The train will touch me.
They asked me to speak at this funeral, and I said, "Of corpse!"
You can't be a loser if you have nothing to lose.
When is it acceptable to hit a dwarf?
When he dances with your wife and says her hair smells nice...
Heterosexual sodomy is like religion. If you were forced to accept it when you were younger, you probably would not like it when you become an adult.
Why isn't the athlete in the full bus? Because she is trying to fit in.
I have a trans friend.
He is in a polyamorous relationship and would be straight if they had a dick.
Did you hear about the volcano that was accepted into Cambridge?
It was a decision on the number of degrees it holds, which is a lot, because volcanoes have lava if they're active. And ours was.
Have you ever met a kid who’s so fat that they can’t even be accepted to “My 600lb Life”? They need a higher-ranking one!
People need to stop taking life so seriously. After all, no one gets out alive!
Man: "I know how to please a woman." Woman: "Then please leave me alone."
Man: "I want to give myself to you." Woman: "Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts."
Man: "Your hair color is fabulous." Woman: "Thank you. It's on aisle three at the corner drug store."
Man: "You look like a dream." Woman: "Go back to sleep."
Man: "I can tell that you want me." Woman: "Yes, I want you to leave."
Man: "Hey, baby, what's your sign?" Woman: "Do not enter. -OR- Stop."
Man: "Your body is like a temple." Woman: "Sorry, there are no services today."
Man: "Is this seat empty?" Woman: "Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down."
Man: "What's it like being the most beautiful girl in the bar?" Woman: "I hate you."
Man: "Haven't I seen you someplace before?" Woman: "Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore."
I didn’t like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.
When I ask my dad if I got adopted, he said, "Not yet, no one wants you."
Hey, math:
I’m really tired of trying to find your X. Accept that she’s gone, and solve your own problems, dude!
Children are like farts.
You can only tolerate your own.
I used to hate facial hair,
but then it grew on me.
What is the hardest part about being a pedophile? Fitting in.
A gay couple actually goes to heaven. Turns out Jesus was a hypocrite.
Me: Want to hear a joke?
Friend: Sure.
Me: When my Mum and Dad said they loved me.
Friend: What's funny about that?
Me: Because the next day they disowned me.
If sex with three people is called a "threesome" and sex with two people is called a "twosome," then I know why people call you handsome!