Worst Jokes Ever
What food does a cheetah eat?
Fast food.
What do you call a lesbian dinosaur? A lick-a-lot-of-puss!
Once there was this Whichdoctor. He walked barefoot most of the time, which gave him impressive calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, and the food gave him bad breath, which made him (wait for it) a Super Callused Fragile Mystic Hexed By Halitosis.
I know you don’t like rape jokes, but I’m gonna force one on you anyway.
Joke.
What is the first thing the disabled download on iTunes?
"They see me rolling, they hatin'."
I opened a company selling landmines disguised as prayer mats. Prophets are going through the roof.
Why are Muslims terrible at football?
Because every time they have a corner, they build a shop.
How do you punish Stevie Wonder for bad behavior?
You move all of the furniture around.
What do you call a fat Chinese man?
A double chinkey.
Why did the Canadian cross the road?
To say sorry to the other side.
Why can’t orphans play baseball? They don’t know where home is.
When I masturbate, things cum.
When an old man does, no one cums.
I walked into the school for disabled kids and asked them if they knew how to play "Heads, Shoulders, Knees, and Toes." Turns out they only knew how to play "Heads, Shoulders, Wheels, and Frame."
Kid: But, Mom, I don't want to see Grandma.
Mom: Shut up and keep digging.
What's the difference between a school and an ISIS military base? Don't ask me, I only fly the drone.
I was eating this girl out the other night, and I tasted horse semen, so I said to her, "Oh, that's how you died, grandma!"
Why did they invent glow-in-the-dark condoms? So gay guys can play Star Wars.
What do you call a man with no legs?
Neil (kneel)
The only thing I do straight is vodka.