Worst Jokes Ever

I googled "How to start a wildfire." I got 48,500 matches.

Why are there no good Indian actors? Because all the good ones are trying to get your bank details over the phone.

Did you hear about Paul Walker's rap?

Wrapped around that tree.

Where did Sally go during the bombing?

Everywhere.

My friends used to poke me at weddings and say, "You're next."

So I started poking them at funerals and saying, "You're next" to my friends.

My midget landlord told me to pack my things up and that I've got 30 minutes to get out. That's short notice!

I asked my midget neighbor if he wanted a lift. He told me to "Fuck off!!!" I thought, what a cheeky cunt and zipped my backpack up and walked away.

When China built the Great Wall, the Mongols invaded them and founded the Yuan dynasty. With Trump building his wall, will the Mexicans invade the US and found the Juan dynasty?

What's the best part of having sex with a baby?

Deep throat and anal at the same time.

They say masturbation is better with a dead arm. Apparently, I ruined that funeral.

Why do hospitals have fans?

To keep the vegetables fresh and cold.

What did the skeleton say before dinner? "Bone appetit." His whole family found that humerus.

Who are the fastest readers in the world?

9/11 Victims, they went through 89 stories in 7 seconds.

Why was Helen Keller's belly button bruised?

Her boyfriend was blind too.

This one kid I knew had Down syndrome, and he turned a mirror upside down trying to get rid of it.

And the lord said unto John, "Come forth and you will receive eternal life." But John came fifth and won a toaster.

How many gay guys can you fit on a bar stool? Four, just flip it over.

What do you call a Catholic priest who molests children?

A Catholic priest.

When someone has an imaginary friend, you call them weird and crazy.

But when a group of people have an imaginary friend, you call it religion. :)

Chuck Norris can make 5 minute frosting in 4 minutes.