Worst Jokes Ever
Who led the Israelites through the semipermeable membrane?
Osmoses.
What song do you play at a emo kid's funeral?
House of Pain—"Jump Around."
My favorite thing to do in libraries is put cookbooks in the women’s sports section.
Theory is when you know everything but nothing works.
Practice is when everything works but no one knows why.
In our lab, theory and practice are combined: Nothing works and no one knows why.
We aren't ghosts, but I'll take you under the sheets.
They say I have a silver tongue, I'll let you make it white.
I'm not counting, but I have some fingers for you.
Why are orphans so bad at poker?
They don’t know what a full house looks like.
What do orgasms and impulses have in common?
I don’t care if they have either of them.
How did Pinocchio find out he was made of wood?
His hand caught on fire.
How do you make an octopus laugh?
You give it ten tickles.
What did God say when he made the first woman?
"Where is your dick at?"
What is the difference between white people and coal?
It’s bad for the environment to burn coal.
We send millions of mosquito nets to Africa; we can save millions of mosquitoes from dying of AIDS.
What’s faster than a black guy with the TV?
His little brother with the console.
Why can't orphans have cookies?
They are home made.
I saw my wife at the dam yesterday, which sucks because I wanted her to flow further down.
Did you hear about the baby with cancer? It never gets old.
What do you call a dog turd in China?
Waste of food.
Hey, pass me that crowbar, please.
Sure... y’know, before the crowbar was invented, crows had to drink at home.