Worst Jokes Ever

Stephen Hawking isn't really dead, he's just rebooting.

Stephen was a great person, and he will be greatly missed, but I enjoy these jokes too much to not stop.

Last night in bed, I was gazing up at the stars and was thinking to myself, "Where the f*ck is my roof?"

In a cruel twist of irony, Stephen Hawking's favorite song was "I've Got the Power."

People say that life is short.

I say... life is the longest thing we ever do.

Pedophiles are fucking immature assholes.

A pedophile lures a group of Houston Girl Scouts with "Hey girls, would you like some candy?" They all agree and follow him to his neighborhood. There he offers them some more candy and they follow him to his house. Once again he offers them candy to go in to his house. In the lounge he offers them candy to go to his room. As he leads them up the stairs one of them pipes up and says "God, I hope we get laid before we get diabetes."

Pedophiles smell good.

Don't worry, Stephen Hawking isn't dead.

They have just got to copy and paste his memory onto a USB.

How does Stephen Hawking take a shit? He logs out.

What did the little boy say to the fat man?

How many Japs did you get?

Time for a story: There are 500 bricks on a plane, one falls off. How many are left? 499.

What are the 3 steps to putting an elephant in a refrigerator? Open fridge, put in elephant, close fridge.

What are the 4 steps to putting a giraffe in a fridge? Open fridge, take out elephant, put in giraffe, close fridge.

The lion king is having a birthday party. All the animals attend except one, who is it? Giraffe, he's stuck in the fridge.

Sally wants to cross an alligator infested river. There is no bridge and the only way she can get across is by swimming. She swims across safely, how? The alligators where at the birthday party.

Sally dies anyway. How? She got hit in the head by a flying brick.

Stephen Hawking was one of the best scientists ever. Now he's walking up the steps of he... No, he's not walking up the steps of heaven.

He's not really dead, his update failed.

What noise does Stephen Hawking make when he dies? Windows shutting down theme tune.

Be warned, if you are in the shower, I might pikachu and it's not my fault if I see any jigglypuffs.

So, some thieves robbed me the other day. They took everything I owned, except for the soap, towels, and deodorant.

Dirty bastards.

Friends are like penguins.

If you stab a penguin, they die.

Guess Stephen's batteries died.

If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people have more than one child?