Worst Jokes Ever
Jim and Allyn are 2 mates in the Air Force. They were paired up for a training exercise. They got up into the air and Jim said, "Okay Allyn, your helmet can control the missile when launched from the jet. Go ahead and test fire a missile and aim it at anything you want." Allyn fired the missile and had his eyes set on an abandoned building. Jim then said, "I also forgot, watch out for friendly fire." Allyn said "What?" as he looked over at Jim.
What's 6ft long, red, and my girlfriend cries when I feed it to her?
A miscarriage.
If you give a gator a GPS, does that make it a navigator?
What do you call a kid with no friends?
A Sandy Hook survivor.
What is black, white, and red all over? An interracial abortion.
There is a young man smoking and a woman in a wheelchair. The woman says, "Why is a young man like you smoking?" The man turns around and says, "Why the fuck are you wearing trainers?"
What is the difference between a whore and an onion?
You don't cry when you chop a whore.
What do you call a group of ethnically diverse disabled people?
Seasoned vegetables.
What's the difference between a pizza delivery guy and a cop?
Pizza guys get punished for not doing their jobs properly.
There are some sounds that everyone loves... - Shoes on gravel. - Crackling of fire. - The snapping necks of those who think they can disrespect you. - Cats purring.
What can you serve but never eat? A volleyball.
What did Hitler say after his parents bought a hauler?
How much did the haulla-cost?
Why can't a t-rex clap?
Because it's dead.
Knott and Shott got into a gunfight. Knott was shot and Shott was not. Therefore, it was better to be Shott than Knott. But what if the shot Shott shot didn't hit Knott but Shott? Then the shot Shott shot shot Shott.
I was trying to poison Santa, but he killed my dad and ate all the cookies! 😤
How does Jesus whistle? Through the hole in his hand.
How many times does 43 go into 8?
Get in the van and find out.
A husband and a wife have four children. The oldest three are tall with blonde hair. The youngest is short with brown hair. The husband was on his deathbed and said, "Honey, can you be completely honest with me? Is our youngest son mine?" The wife says, "I swear to all that is holy, he is your son." Then the husband died and the wife muttered, "Thank god he didn't ask about the other three."
What do you call terrible milk?
Udder Bullshit.
Why is America bad at chess? We already lost two towers.