Worst Jokes Ever

I’ve always been a bit insecure about having thicker thighs.

Now I realize it allows me to fit more scars!

How do crabs honor their mom’s birthday? The shell-abrate.

What do you call a mom that can’t draw? Tracy.

What's Momma bear's favorite baseball team? The Cubs.

What did the mama moose say to the calf after it got on her nerves?

"I'm not a-moosed right now."

What did the hermit crabs do on Mother's Day?

They shellabrated their mommy.

What did mommy spider say to baby spider?

You spend too much time on the web.

Every time you feel lucky to have your mother in your life, what should you tell her?

I really hit the mother lode with you!

What color flowers do mama cats like to get?

Purrrrrrrple flowers.

Why was it so hard for the pirate to call his mom? Because she left the phone off the hook!

My kids told me to have a good day, so I left them to their own devices and hoped for the best.

Why do some couples go to the gym together?

Because they want their relationship to work out.

My husband asked me to get 6 cans of Sprite at the store. I realized when I got home that I had picked 7-Up.

My mom told me a joke about boxing.

I guess I missed the punch line.

I have a joke about chemistry, but I don't think it will get a reaction.

Why was the leper hockey game canceled?

It was because of a face-off in the corner.

Riddle me this, Batman, what's long, round, and has cum in the middle?

Batman: A dick.

Riddler: NO NO NOOO! It's a cucumber!

I usually hang up Halloween decorations,

but this year I'm gonna be the decoration.

Why can't black people have nightmares? Cause we shot the last one that had a dream.

Marriage is like buying a car. You see one that you like and then you buy it. But over the years, it gets older, rusty, and certain parts stop working.

Then you walk into a dealership and look at all the new ones and you're still stuck with the old one. You look over and go, "But I just wanna sit in it. Just once. It's even got leather interior, it's chrome, it doesn't even have oil or gas leaks! And it doesn't squeak!"