Worst Jokes Ever
Q: If George Washington was alive today, what would he do?
A: Scratch mercilessly at the coffin walls, while screaming at the top of his lungs!
What's worse than waking up with a dead baby next to you?
Realizing you were so drunk that you made love to it the night before...
What is the difference between a snow woman and a snowman?
Snowballs.
How do you turn a straight guy into a gay guy? Well... for starters, you grab that ass of his, drag him into the bathroom, and tell him to suck my long, big pineapple, and thus you have yourself one straight guy converted into a dick-sucking machine.
Children should never run with scissors, and lesbians should never scissor with the runs.
What do you call a Mexican midget? A paragraph, because he's not a full essay.
How do you get a one-armed man out of a tree?
You wave at him.
Can orphans eat at a family restaurant?
Why are retards good at basketball?
'Cause they dribble all the time!
What's a similarity between your best friend and a tree?
They both fall over when you hit them with an axe.
What do you call a candle in armor?
A knight light.
Doctor: "I have good news and I have worse news." Patient: "Well, what's the bad news?" Doctor: "You have one day left to live." Patient: "What news could possibly be worse?" Doctor: "I've been trying to contact you since yesterday!"
Man: "Is your body from McDonald's?"
Woman: "Why, because you're loving it?"
Man: "No, because it's fat and greasy."
Stephen Hawking died because he accidentally lost his bluetooth connection.
If drinking alcohol makes you an alcoholic, does drinking Fanta make you fantastic?
My dad posted a picture of his condom challenge fail to his social media - it was a picture of me.
What's worse than eating 5 raw oysters out of your grandmother's vagina?
Realizing you only put in 4.
What do you call a boomerang that never comes back?
Daddy.
You’re Russian when you go to the bathroom and Finnish when you come out. What are you in the bathroom?
European.
What’s the difference between Jesus and a hooker?
The look on their face when you're nailing them.