Worst Jokes Ever
The worst part about church is that you're constantly switching between sitting, standing, and kneeling. I mean, why can't the priest just pick a position and f**k me already!
A woman visits the doctor as she has some abdominal pains and suspects she may be pregnant.
After her examination, the doctor comes out to see her: “Well, I hope you like changing diapers!”
She replies: “Oh my god! Am I pregnant, am I pregnant!?”
To which he responds: “No, you’ve got bowel cancer.”
If you want any pictures of cheese for your laptop, I've got enough to Philadelphia.
What do you call a load of retards in a swimming pool?
Vegetable soup.
Q: What’s the difference between a priest and McDonald’s?
A: Nothing! They both stick their meat in 10 year old buns.
Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle?
Because his wife died.
Paedophiles are f***ing immature assholes.
Where did Lucy go during the bombing?
Everywhere.
Three guys are on a plane: one is Asian, one is Mexican, and the other is an American. The pilot says, "There is too much weight on the plane, you all need to throw something off." So the Mexican threw out a burrito and said, "I have plenty of these where I come from." Then the Asian threw out some rice and said, "I have plenty of these in my country." The American threw out a bomb and said, "I have a lot of these in my country."
The plane crashes anyway, and the three men start to walk away from the crash. As they were walking, they found a boy crying. They asked him what was wrong, and he said, "A ton of burritos fell out of the sky and got me all messy." The men started walking away and soon enough they found another boy crying. They asked him what was wrong, and he said, "A ton of rice fell out of the sky and shredded all my clothes." The guys knew who did it but avoided the trouble. They kept on walking and found a kid laughing so hard he was on the ground, and they asked what had been so funny. The boy said, "MY GRANDPA FARTED AND THE HOUSE BLEW UP!!!"
How long does it take for 5 babies to die in the microwave?
I don't know, I can't count while I masturbate...
I'm 34 and I went on a date with my 19 year old girlfriend. I got heckled with "you're a paedophile!" and "you sick F...!" Completely ruined our 10th anniversary!
Chuck Norris and Superman had a bet. The loser had to wear their underwear on their pants.
Was gonna make a gay joke but fuck... Cum on guys.
Wanna hear a dry joke? A desert.
Why did Michael Jackson call Boyz II Men? He thought they were a delivery service.
Give a man a fish, feed him for a day.
Give a man a poison fish, feed him for a lifetime.
Black holes and horny black women have 1 thing in common, they suck everything in sight.
According to all known laws of aviation, a bee should not be able to fly. Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground, but of course, bees fly anyway because bees don't care about what humans think is impossible.
Yellow, Black. Yellow, Black.
Why did the guitarist go to prison?
'Cause he fingered A minor.
- Mommy, I want a bicycle!
- Shut up, Sam! You've already got your wheelchair!