Worst Jokes Ever
Suicidal people are a big contributor to the rope making industry.
How do you know when your wife is cheating on you?
She comes home with sparkles on her face.
My true hero is the person who killed Hitler.
Why did God make men?
Because you can't teach a vibrator how to mow the lawn...
My friend Jimmy said his dad is exactly like Santa. I asked, "Why is it because he gives people presents?" Jimmy told me, "No, it's because I hear so many good things about him and how he's gonna come home, but never see him."
What’s the similarity between a penis and a lollipop?
Kids can take both.
There was a kidnapping at school.
Don't worry, he woke up.
You know those paper families you cut out?
Well, I put one of those in an orphanage.
What's the difference between a refrigerator and a gay guy? You have to ask permission before stuffing it with meat.
What do you call a gay threesome?
A Sloppy Joe.
What's the difference between baby Jesus and the baby I keep in my basement?
Baby Jesus died a virgin.
What's the difference between a gun and my will to live? None, they are both absent.
How do you blow up an Indian person?
You press the red button.
Age is just a number,
Jail is just a room.
A kid is watching TV and sees an ad about adopting an animal. He then turns to his mother and says, “Do we have to adopt a donkey?” “No,” replied the mom, “but we decided to do it... we adopted you.”
The number 13? Not on my watch!
What's the difference between Tyler and a rooster? A rooster says, "cock-a-doodle-doo," Tyler says, "any cock will do."
Some people think Bin Laden is dead, but some think he's alive.
He is the Al-Qaeda Elvis.
When a lady gets married, what does she borrow?
She borrows her husband's last name.
To start, I'm a big fella in size.
I saw a skinny guy act like Santa, so I went over to him. "You can't pull that off," I said. He said, "Then you try it." He gave me the Santa suit, and I dressed up. He walked by and saw me with 45 kids in line to sit on my lap and tell me what they wanted for Christmas.