Worst Jokes Ever

A deaf couple wants to know when to have sex.

The wife says, "If you want to have sex, squeeze my tits once. If you don't want to have sex, squeeze my tits twice."

The husband says, "OK, if you want to have sex, pull my dick once. If you don't want to have sex, pull my dick 437 times."

There is a lot of difference between a man and a woman saying, "I went through a whole box of tissues watching that movie."

What kind of animal makes a good bottle opener?

A male Duck on Viagra.

Osama bin Laden rated America.

He gave us a 9/11.

I went to the pharmacy the other day. I tried to buy a pack of condoms, but I pretended I didn't have enough money to mess with the cashier.

I went back into the aisles of the store, got a pack of rubber bands and plastic wrap, bought them, and walked out. I loved the look on the cashier's face when they saw my decision.

Cheap oil, no immigration, and no school shootings.

Corona did what Trump promised.

Humor is like skin; the darker it gets, the less people like it.

Pulled pork? Yeah, I cranked my hog today, too.

I wasn't going to tell another emo joke, but I didn't want to leave anyone hanging.

Me yelling every gay slur to get suspended.

I’m in catholic school.

My girlfriend got COVID.

This is the perfect time to propose to her. She might just say yes because of the lack of taste.

It's obvious Bill Gates didn't create COVID.

None of his other products are able to release new versions this frequently.

Q: What do men and math tests have in common?

A: They get cheated on.

As the Navy SEALs burst into Osama Bin Laden's room in his Pakistani compound, his last dying words forever rang in the ears of the SEALs...

"It was just a prank bro."

Osama Bin Laden was trying to give me relationship advice.

Probably wasn't the best time to say "OK Boomer."

I went to a restaurant and a waiter took my order. She had two black eyes, so I ordered real slow.

Because obviously she doesn’t listen.

I am Asian.

I am so Asian my pronouns are: heeEEE/Ya.

How do you make the grass cut itself?

Make it depressed.

Why do orphans have only 363 days in their calendar year?

Because they don't have father's and mother's days.

Police officers hope you’re a criminal.

Doctors hope you get sick.

Mechanics hope you get car troubles.

But only thieves wish you prosperity.

Weird?