Worst Jokes Ever
I only believe in 12.5% of everything the Bible says.
Which makes me an eighth-theist.
What does Bill say to Hillary after sex? -- "Honey, I'll be home in 20 minutes."
What's the difference between a dirty bus stop and a lobster with boobs?
One is a crusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean.
What do prime numbers and stoners have in common? The higher they are, the more spaced out they get.
What concert costs 45 cents? -- 50 Cent feat. Nickelback.
Russian history in 5 words: "And then things got worse."
What happened when the semicolon broke grammar laws?
It was given two consecutive sentences.
I walked into a room full of men masturbating. They all looked shocked when I didn't stop.
Why does Bill Clinton wear boxers? -- To keep his ankles warm.
Some day, Canada will take over the world. -- And then we'll all be sorry.
9 out of 10 doctors recommend for children to drink water instead of soda. That 1 doctor lives in Flint, Michigan.
Why did Beethoven have trouble finding a music teacher? Because his teacher was Haydn.
Did you know that Iceland is only one sea away from Ireland?
How do you cover 12 holes with one hole?
Take a flute and shove it up your ass.
Why was Han Solo so suspicious when he put his penis inside Princess Leia for the first time?
Because it was Luke warm.
What's the difference between a gay and a freezer?
The freezer doesn't fart when you pull the meat out.
Why couldn't a lifeguard save the hippie? -- Because he was too far out, man.
I wanted to learn how to drive a stick shift, but I couldn't find a manual.
There was a blackout in my neighborhood last night. The police told us to stay inside until they shot him.
What is black and sits at the top of the stairs? -- Steven Hawking after a house fire.