What does a nearsighted gynaecologist and a puppy have in common?
Wet noses.
Worst Jokes Ever
Kid #1: You're adopted.
Kid #2: At least they wanted me.
Kid #1: Did your real parents want you?
Your mum so fat that when she sat down she said, "Why are there so many people under me?"
I was outside digging a six-foot hole when I found a treasure box with jewels and shiny gems! I almost went inside to tell my wife, then I remembered why I was digging the hole.
I told my mom I'm happy and she said: "I didn't know you were gay."
What’s worse than George Bush doing 9/11? Jeffrey Epstein doing nine Elevens.
What is the most awkward moment when Helen Keller is playing pin the tail on the donkey?
Her friends aren’t sure whether to blindfold her.
What do you call AG?
A beta male.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
9/11.
9/11 who?
[pause] You said you’d never forget.
My only friend who actually cares: "Stop making suicide jokes, I’m really concerned!"
Me: Okay, I’ll cut it out.
LYNXXXXXXX!
Why are Americans so bad at Clash Royale?
They already lost two towers.
Grandma: Most people your age have a family and are married. Why aren’t you?
Grandchild: Most your age are dead. Why aren’t you?
90% of women don't like men in pink shirts. Ironically, 90% of men in pink shirts don't like women.
I'm as straight as a rainbow.
Regular depressed person: I'm depressed, so I'll go see a therapist.
Me: I'm depressed, so I won't do anything about it, work on many projects at the same time, destroying my sanity slowly while relying on caffeine and pills as my only way to take down my headaches, and making memes about it online to help myself cope with the pain.
What did the plane say to the Twin Towers?
Nothing, planes can't talk.
Texter 1: You know People treat me like a god.
Texter 2: How?
Texter 1: They ignore my existence unless they need something.
Why do we put round pizzas in square boxes and eat them as triangles?
What was the scariest thing Helen Keller ever read?
The waffle iron.
