Worst Jokes Ever
Why can orphans only hit a triple in baseball?
Because they don't know where home is.
Q. How does a girl from Alabama know when her mom is on the rag?
A. She can taste it on her brother's cock.
My therapist told me that time heals all wounds. So I stabbed him, now we wait.
What do ya call a legless prostitute in a strawberry field?
A jammy cunt.
Bro, your toenails are bigger than your IQ.
Teacher: What is a cow?
Kid: Meat.
Teacher: Nice. What is a chicken?
Kid: Eggs.
Teacher: What does the big fat pig give you?
Kid: Homework.
A gay wizard went to a bar and disappeared with a poof!
Why can't orphans work at S.C. Johnson?
Because it's a family company...
I’ll never forget my father’s last words...
Oh fuck, it’s a bus!
I was watching the local chief police in America, he said, "We will never forget 911." I thought, "I should hope not, it's your phone number."
My mom told me drugs are my enemies... but Jesus said to love your enemies.
I will never forget my grandfather's last words: “The fuck you doing with that knife?”
Dad, am I adopted?
NO! Why would I ever choose you?
An Autistic chef made hamburgers out of donkey meat.
He called them: "Asperger's."
Helen Keller picked up a cheese grater, it was the most violent story she'd ever read.
Q) What do you call Iron Man when he can't swim?
A) Robert Drowney Jr.
A teacher asked his students a math question.
"You have one dollar. Your parents give you five dollars. How much money do you have?"
After some thinking, about half the class raised their hands. The teacher called on a little girl in the front.
"One dollar!" she said.
Once I told an abortion joke and this woman was like, "I've had an abortion, that's offensive." And I was like, "I just tell jokes, I think what you do is much worse."
I don't like the word "gun".
Whenever I say it, people always get triggered.
What has 50 legs but can't walk?
25 disabled children.