Worst Jokes Ever
About a month ago, I was at my best friend’s funeral and I told him, "Bitches always come and go." He looked at me kinda mad, kinda confused, and said, "That’s my mom, dude."
If a pregnant lady murders someone, does the child get an assist?
What do nail polish and panties have in common?
Both come off with alcohol.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Fuck.
Fuck who?
Fuck off!
Kobe likes his shoes like the way he died.
Air.
Why did the football player go to the bank?
To get his quarter back.
Walking with a friend in the dark is better than walking alone in the light.
Are you a mental hospital? Cause I need to be in you.
Yo mama so fat, she stepped on the scale and it said a.k.a. "error."
My boyfriend always likes when I wear my fishnet sleeves. He says it looks great on me, but he doesn’t know that my skin is covered with scars... no one does. No one questions why I wear them everyday. I hope it stays like that because I can’t deal with my mom finding out that I still hurt myself.
Are you a razor? 'Cause you make me red.
I just prevented a 10-year-old from getting assaulted.
Nothing much, I just decided to go home.
What’s the difference between a cancer patient and a British news reporter in the South?
They usually don’t live to tell the tale.
Stephen Hawking is better than NASA. They study black holes that are 8 billion years old, while he was down here on Earth staring at 14-year-old black holes. 😈😈😈
How can you be fast and slow at the same time, getting a gold medal in the Special Olympics?
I went to see my doctor today and I asked him how come every time I have sex my eyes hurt.
He said that’s a common reaction to pepper spray.
What do orphans and garbage have in common?
They’re both in the street, and no one wants to pick them up.
How did Rihanna find out Chris Brown was cheating on her?
She found another woman’s lipstick on his knuckles.
💪 💪 🏋️♂️ What do you get when you cross a physically disabled gay white male who works out at the gym, who is a bukkake slut, and a physically disabled gay white male who works out at the gym, who is a sex worker?
Cum Junkie.
What is the difference between a broom and a mop?
It’s hard to beat my girlfriend when she’s holding the mop.