Worst Jokes Ever
A man was walking with a young boy in the woods.
The boy looks at the man and says, "Mister, it's too dark and I'm getting scared."
The man replies with, "How do you think I feel? I have to come back alone!"
Before I die, I'm going to ask to be cremated.
Then I'm going to eat a bunch of popcorn kernels.
Then I'll die and get cremated. BOOM! I'm popcorn!
When you’re hiding from the school shooter next to people who made fun of you for having an Android: “HEY SIRI”
Why is the dog having KFC? Because the dog has no friends.
Remember, kids: the school shooter can't get you if YOU are the shooter.
Crush: "How much do you love me?"
Me: "Well, look at the stars outside."
Crush: "But it's morning."
Me: "Exactly."
What movie does an orphan want for Christmas? "Spiderman: Homecoming";)
My school is on fire today, and I pushed a kid in a wheelchair down the stairs and shouted, "Hot Wheels!"
I threw a paralyzed kid into the fireplace and called him hotwheels.
What is it called when an orphan takes a family photo?
A selfie.
I took my mother-in-law out yesterday morning.
Damn, I love being a sniper.
What does Michael Jackson and an Xbox have in common?
They're both turned on by kids.
What did the girls on the beach say to Michael Jackson?
"Could you move? Your sun is in my son."
I'm glad I'm not a pornstar... that would be pretty sucky.
What do you call an orphanage that's not an orphanage?
A homeless shelter.
How to get quick cash:
Step 1: Kill a child's parents.
Step 2: Do foster care for them.
Step 3: Get paid for doing foster care.
Why can black people post offensive jokes about making fun of white people, but white people can't post offensive jokes about making fun of black people? Because white people have white privilege. Does it cycle?
Why are Americans so bad at chess?
They lost 2 towers.
The popular girl told me, "I bet your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory!"
Two weeks later, she shows up pregnant.
...
I guess her rubber broke too.
NWA: Straight Outta Compton.
Kobe Bryant: Straight Outta the Helicopter.