Worst Jokes Ever

There was a man named Matt that went to the church to confess one of his most recent sins. He told the priest, "I am here to tell you my sins." He was all for it and said, "Go ahead."

Matt, "Father, last night I almost cheated on my wife."

Priest, "How so?"

Matt, "We were together naked, but we didn't do anything, just rubbed each other, that's all."

Priest, "RUBBING TOGETHER IS THE SAME THING AS PUTTING IT IN! For your sins you must never see that woman again and put $50 in the donation box!"

Matt, "Okay, I promise not to see her again."

Then Matt walks out the door.

Priest, "Hey! I saw you! You didn't put any money in the donation box!!"

Matt, "Yes I did. I took the money and rubbed it against the box because you said rubbing it is the same thing as putting it in."

Why am I banned from my Catholic orphanage?

Because the children kept calling me "daddy."

I watch gay porn.

Roses are red, violets are blue, like my hole, Uncle Bill is making me full, better run here he comes!

Roses are red, My c0ck is blue, Oh shit, what happened to you?

Yo mama so ugly that Mr. Rogers doesn’t wanna be her neighbor.

Why do trees never call emo kids?

The emos always hang up on them.

What do you call a cow in the snow?

Chilli Beef.

Your forehead is so big your inner thoughts echo.

Trying to make jokes in 2020-2021 be like:

Comedian: "When she went in front of the TV, it took an hour till you could see the screen again."

Audience: "Why you gotta be so offensive?"

Comedian: "I'm not tr-"

Audience: "Oh, so now you're trying to debate?"

Comedian: "I-"

Audience: "Now you're acting racist?!"

How can you be friends with a pedophile that's a musician?

B minor.

If depression on crack fucked weed and 69 hours of not sleeping and had a baby with huge amounts of autism, that would be me.

I was happy to find I could get a passing grade in all my subjects if I had sex with my teacher, until I remembered I'm home schooled.

My grandpa may be a pedo, but at least he slows down in the school car park.

My grandpa killed 100 German soldiers; he was the worst German pilot ever.

I heard that my crush got kicked in the balls and when I thought of it...

Kenny was into incest until his mom died.

Now he's into necrophilia.

Gregg says to his friend, who is a girl, and says, "Hey, umm, do you, umm, want to do something?"

And the girl says, "Umm, sure, why not?"

Gregg says, "Well, then we have to go somewhere secretive."

The girl says, "Umm, well, ok."

Gregg says, "Great!" So Gregg brings Sally to a tree so no one can see them, and then Sally says, "So what are we going to do behind this big tree?"

Gregg says, "Well pull down your pants, and I'll show ya."

Sally says, "Ok, it sounds fun!" And then Gregg pulls his pants down and tells Sally to lay on the ground. Then he puts his dick in Sally's pussy, and he goes up and down, up and down, up and down, and then Sally starts to moan more and more, and then suddenly a teacher hears her moan, and then the teacher sees what Gregg and Sally are doing, and then the teacher gets in on it, and both Gregg and Sally start fucking the teacher, and then the teacher moans, and then the whole school makes their own sex groups, and the whole school has threesomes...

THE END

"Hee hee touched me."

Do you know the TV show "Naked and Afraid?" Well, that's what my grandpa and I played when I was young.