Worst Jokes Ever
Eric's mom asked her son why his bag was heavy and if it was because of books. Eric replied, "No, magazines."
What do cutting boards and a suicidal teen's wrist have in common?
They both have cutting marks.
Two tall trees, a birch and a beech, are growing in the woods. A small tree begins to grow between them, and the beech says to the birch, “Is that a son of a beech or a son of a birch?” The birch says he cannot tell, but just then a woodpecker lands on the sapling. The birch says, “Woodpecker, you are a tree expert. Can you tell if that is a son of a beech or a son of a birch?”
The woodpecker takes a taste of the small tree and replies, “It is neither a son of a beech nor a son of a birch, it is, however, the best piece of ash I have ever poked my pecker into.”
I wish my hair was depressed.
Cause then it would cut itself.
Fletcher is not a lesbian. He is also not an Asian. He is also definitely not an accident.
What did Melania ever see in Donald Trump?
$2 billion and high cholesterol.
how do you fit 4 gay guys on a stool?
you flip it over.
Your mom's so fat, when she sat on Walmart, she lowered the prices!
Q: What’s a good thing about child molesters?
A: They drive slow through school zones.
Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys? He was playing by ear.
What's a school shooter's favorite flower?
Columbine.
Orphan boy: "Your dad is probably disappointed in you. I mean, look at you."
Me: "Well, at least my parents kept me. Where are yours?"
Why is it that when I'm in school doing PE, it's fine for someone to say "boys against girls", but the moment I say "blacks against whites" I'm the bad guy?
So there's an orphan in a hospital, and the doctor walks up and says, "Sorry, kid, but this is a family hospital."
China should be a baseball team because they can take out the whole world with just a bat.
Why can't Indians play football? Because every time they take a corner, they make a shop.
How can you tell if a heterosexual man has been using a computer?
There is sperm on the screen.
Yo mama so ugly she made happy meals cry.
Why is mercury like everything else in the world?
Because it gives you cancer.
Friend 1: What's your favorite drink or food?
Friend 2: Pizza.
Friend 3: Donuts.
Friend 4: I don't eat food but I do drink bleach.
Friend 1: (calling the suicide hotline)
Friend 2: (Calling the parents)