Worst Jokes Ever
How do you get 500 drunk TTC people out? "Ah, on fire, a warning shot." "Uhhh sir, it's a M92 mortar." "Ah, just fire the shot!" Please get out before you get triggered from the pool and you have no clothes showing your nono parts. Oh wait, please get out of the pool drunk people. Potato, potatoes, fire ze shot.
Why can't orphans be gay?
They have no one to call "daddy."
Yo mama's so fat, when she fell I didn't laugh, but the sidewalk cracked up.
What is the difference between Joe Biden and a knife?
A knife has a point.
How tall does the grass grow in Germany?
Zis high!
Why did Beyonce say "to the left to the left"?
Because women don't have rights.
My Wi-Fi must be Kobe, because it crashed hard.
How to get 60 Translink workers? Please head out of the pool because ya'll are fat. Oh wait, didn't you poop yourself? Say sorry to your underwear while pooping as a fat Canadian Translink worker, little boy.
Roses are red, Violets are twisted, You bend over, You're about to get fisted.
Why does Saturn have a ring?
Because God liked it, so he put a ring on it.
When did I realize COVID was serious?
When I saw your teeth social distancing.
Where do all orphan chickens end up? Foster Farms.
What did one nut say to the other? Ignore the guy in the middle. He's a d!ck.
This one is for Gwen, I'm sorry people are so mean to you.
All the big cats gathered for a game of poker. Why did the tiger lose?
Because one of his opponents kept on lion. Another had a puma-nent poker face. But the real problem was the cheetah.
My dad went to go buy milk, but he walks as slow as my grandmother.
My grandmother is paralyzed in the legs.
What's Pee-Wee Herman's favorite Michael Jackson song?
Beat It.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
People have been killed.
People have been killed who?
The 9/11 victims.
There were 30 high school seniors taking finals, and once they finished, the teacher, Mrs. Jones, walked up and down the classroom to collect the tests, and asked, "So, are you guys ready for college?" And Brian answered, "No way. School is just a waste of time, every day taking *seven cruel hours of our lives*." Angela replied, "Never! Like Brian said, school is just a waste of time, and the next level is surely not worth paying $50,000 for. Besides, math class is *mental abuse to humans*!" And Jack said, "School has been a waste of so much time I'll never get back, and after these *finals* I've realized... *fuck, I never actually learned shit*!"
When I was 14, my mum caught me wanking, and she slapped me across the face. A couple weeks later, my dad caught me having a beer, and he made me drink 40 beers. I just thought, "Well, I'm glad he didn't catch me wanking."
I am a registered sex offender. I'm just playing, I'm not registered yet.