Worst Jokes Ever

What's worse than ants in your pants? Michael Jackson.

Those poor kids at Sandy Hook, all they wanted was books. Instead, they got magazines.

Why did Nicholas Cage and Angelina Jolie attend Paul Walker’s funeral?

He went from "The Fast and the Furious" to "Gone in 60 Seconds."

Why wasn't Michael Jackson admitted to college? He refused to declare a major; he only wanted to do minors.

Me: Man, I wish my clothes were emo.

Friend: Why?

Me: So they would hang themselves.

I was sweating like Michael Jackson in a Chuck E. Cheese.

Hey JFK, what would you do if you were in a fight?

JFK: Well, I'd give them a piece of my mind.

I lost my black friend in the shadows. I lost my white friend on the wall. I lost my Asian friend in the sand and I lost my Islamic friend in the bombings.

What does an orphan have that a homeless person doesn’t?

A home, but what does a homeless person have that orphans don’t?

A parent.

An orphanage got robbed yesterday. Let's just say that's the second worst thing to happen to those orphans. At least they didn't end up like their parents.

Someone asked me why I'm still here... the answer is simple: I don't want to be used as a school assembly.

What does a perverted frog say? Rub it.

Why don't witches wear underwear? To get a better grip on their broom.

What do girls and rocks have in common? The flat ones get skipped.

What is red and goes 200 mph? A baby in a blender.

Oh, my fat joke offended you? Which one of your chins did I hurt?

My friend was on a wheelchair... he committed suicide yesterday. I remember when I met him last time, he told us a good joke and I appreciated him and told him to become a stand-up comedian.

What’s the difference between Nelson Mandela and Paul Walker?

They both died at 95.

Why is it illegal to do reverse cowgirl in Alabama? You never turn your back to your family.

What do you call a disabled kid with a gun?

Special forces.

it's not rape if we're both screaming

What do you call an anorexic with a yeast infection?

Quarter pounder with cheese.

It's not rape if you both like it.