Worst Jokes Ever

Why can't orphans play poker? Because they don't know what a full house is.

Drop me in Afghanistan with a cigar, a Kobe jersey, a MAC-10, a Lambo Huracan with a bumper delete, and a Toyota Tacoma with an M249 on the back. Then I'll have Afghanistan as the 51st state by midnight.

What do you call a porn star that always goes back for more?

Craven Morehead.

I am a volcano.

Is it a bird, is it a plane?

No, it’s a 9/11 victim.

Why are Japanese people's eyes so squinted?

Do you know how bright an atomic bomb is?

What’s harder than steel?

Michael Jackson in a playground.

Q: Name a murderer?

A: Jews: Hitler. Russians: Stalin. Chinese: Mao. Americans: Bin Laden. Aborted fetus: My mom.

What is a pedophile's favorite part about Halloween?

Free delivery.

What's got 5 arms, 3 legs, and 2 feet?

The finish line at the Boston Marathon.

I swear, in America, one school shooter can take good care of hundreds of kids, but hundreds of soldiers can't even win a war. Might as well send all your school shooters over there.

What's the difference between yes and no...

Nothing.

Why do US suck at chess? We lost both our towers.

Why is England so good at chess? They still have their queen.

Why does Russia suck at chess? They only have pawns.

They found water on Mars. Mars:1 Africa:0

What do you get when you put a suicide bomber in a wheel chair? An RC-XD.

What is the difference between an apple and an orphan? Orphans don't get picked.

A customer asked me to look at their hairline. I time traveled back to the dinosaurs.

Your forehead so big you got to take Tylenol pills, big like chocolate chip cookies.

Josh: What’s the useless piece of skin around the vagina called?

Daniel: Isn’t it the women?

Josh: Oh yes, that’s right.

Halloween! The day nobody questions the bodies dangling in your tree!

What is a cannibal's favorite type of pizza?

Domi-nose.

When the Two Towers ordered pizza, all they got was plane.