Worst Jokes Ever
A Muslim enters a building...
Along with 500 passengers and an airplane.
Yesterday my daughter was playing in the garden when I saw her kill a butterfly. I told her that, as a punishment, she won't eat butter for 1 month.
Today I saw her killing a cockroach in the kitchen. I told her "nice try".
What did Stevie Wonder's mom do to punish him as a child?
She rearranged all the furniture.
What did your mom get for Christmas?
A big black horse dildo.
What’s a teacher's favorite tree?
A geometry.
A boy walks in on his parents having sex. "What are you doing to my mother?!" the boy screams at his father, and runs out of the room.
Soon, the parents hear screams coming from the father's mother's room. They both go running. They see the little boy pumping into his grandmother like anything. "What are you doing to my mother?!" the father screams. "It's not so easy when it's your mother is it?" says the boy.
I hate two-faced people because I don't know which face to slap first.
If I wanted to kill myself, I would climb up to the top of your ego and jump to your IQ.
How does a crazy person get to the woods?
He takes the psychopath.
Three Europeans come to America. They all get captured by Native Americans, who want to kill them. However, the Europeans beg to have their lives spared. The Native Americans agree not to kill them on one condition: the Europeans must go into the forest and bring back a fruit, and they will be informed what to do with it.
The first guy comes back with a peach. The Native American says, "Shove it up your ass, if you laugh we kill you." So, he shoves the peach up his ass, laughs, and the Native Americans kill him. The second guy comes back with a grape. The Native American tells him the same thing. He laughs, and the Native American kills him.
They both see each other in heaven, and the first guy says to the second guy, "I had a peach and peaches are fuzzy, so that's why I laughed. But you had a grape, what happened?" The second guy says, "Oh yeah, I was doing just fine until I saw the other guy come back with a pineapple!"
I googled "How to start a wildfire." I got 48,500 matches.
Why are there no good Indian actors? Because all the good ones are trying to get your bank details over the phone.
Where did Sally go during the bombing?
Everywhere.
My midget landlord told me to pack my things up and that I've got 30 minutes to get out. That's short notice!
They say masturbation is better with a dead arm. Apparently, I ruined that funeral.
Who are the fastest readers in the world?
9/11 Victims, they went through 89 stories in 7 seconds.
Why was Helen Keller's belly button bruised?
Her boyfriend was blind too.
How many gay guys can you fit on a bar stool? Four, just flip it over.
What do you call a Catholic priest who molests children?
A Catholic priest.
When someone has an imaginary friend, you call them weird and crazy.
But when a group of people have an imaginary friend, you call it religion. :)