Worst Jokes Ever
Why do French people like to eat snails so much?
They can't stand fast food.
What do you call a woman with one arm and one leg?
Eileen.
Women are like tornadoes.
They scream when they are coming and take your house when they are leaving.
Why doesn't Batman have super vision?
His parents died.
Simba was walking too slow so I told him to Mufasa.
What is a physicist's favorite food?
Fission chips.
What does a carpenter do after a one night stand?
The second nightstand.
I've just started reading my first ever Braille horror story, and I think that something scary is about to happen. I can feel it.
What was the name of Russia's first female traffic cop?
Ivana Pulyova.
There were three Indians that got kicked out of the tribe.
One said, "Me find food," and he came back with a decent size rabbit. The other two asked him what happened. He said, "Me see rabbit, me shoot rabbit, and rabbit fall down dead."
The 2nd Indian, "Me find food." He came back with a good sized deer. The other two asked him what happened. He said, "Me see deer, me shoot deer, deer fall down dead."
The third Indian said, "Me find food." He came back crawling, missing a leg and an arm, and he was all cut up. The others asked what happened. He said, "Me see train, me shoot train, train no stop!"
What do friends and trees have in common? They both fall down when you hit them with an axe.
What's the difference between Jesus and a painting of Jesus?
A painting only takes one nail to be hanged.
Is sex a joke? Because I don't get it.
Some people are like a software update. When I see them I think, "Not now."
What do you call a wife who knows where her husband is at all times?
A widow.
What did the boy with no arms and no legs get for Christmas?
Cancer.
How did the Java programmer's son get rich?
Because of inheritance.
What do you call a black man flying a plane?
A pilot, you racist bastard!
How do you know if your wife is dead?
Sex is the same, but the dishes keep piling up.
Why did Marx never drink Earl Grey?
Because proper tea is theft.