Worst Jokes Ever

I was coming out of airport and a rober kept his gun on my head I requested him please don't kill me as I have my old mom and dad at my home . Kill Them.

Why did the toilet paper cross the road?

It didn't; it got stuck in a crack.

How does NASA organize their parties? They planet.

You calling me gay, but the pole is straighter than you.

What do you say to a magician with autism?

Are you "Autism-ic?"

A friend was doing bird puns on me. Then I realized that toucan play at that game.

Where did Sally go when the bomb exploded?

Everywhere.

I go to the shop and buy 2 pints of kimo.

I met a man named Jebidiah on Xbox Live.

My pencil sharpener broke, so now my pencil is pointless.

So a guy is walking with a young boy into the woods.

The boy turns to the man and says, "Hey mister, it's getting dark out, and I’m scared... Can we go back now?"

So the man says: "How do you think I feel, I have to walk back alone!"

I accidentally walked on the Lego Batman mask.

I want my fucking feet back!

How do you fit 15 babies into a shoe box?

A blender.

How do you get them out of the shoe box? A straw.

This gay guy was so happy with his new boyfriend that he took him to his favorite gay bar.

An hour or so goes by, then the new flame says, "I just LOVE this place, everyone is so nice, food is great, but what's up with the monkey way down there?"

His friend says "OK, watch this." He goes up behind the chimp and smacked him in back of its head. The monkey jumped off the stool, pulls down his zipper, and gives him head. When finished, the chimp took a napkin, cleaned himself, pulled up his zipper, then jumped back to his chair.

He walked back to his new gay friend and said, "What do you think of that?"

"MAN, I seen some amazing things, but never like that!" His squeeze said, "Wanna give it a try?"

"I sure do, JUST DON'T hit me as hard as you hit that monkey."

Why are mountains so funny? Because they are so high!

My dick.

The cancer patient asked the doctor how many more months he had to live. The doctor replied, "Tu-more."

What's worse than getting raped in a cemetery? Finding someone else's semen in your mom's corpse.

What do you get when you mix an apple with water... applesauce. Wait, do not leave yet. If you are still reading this, you have been rekt, ha ha. At least I am still laughing.

Why can’t Sally get a hair cut? She has cancer.