Worst Jokes Ever
A policeman just knocked on my door and told me my dogs are chasing people on bikes. That’s ridiculous! My dogs don’t even own bikes!
You don't usually see strap-hangers carrying newspapers these days.
But one guy with the New York Times is seen getting on a crowded F Train. He notices a single seat not taken. Suspicious, he gets closer and sniffs it out. The seat is discolored but dry. Throwing caution to the winds, he removes a section from the paper and sets it down to buffer the spot from his behind. He sits down, stretches his feet and yells out: "Try sitting on your smartphones, suckers!"
Two people about to have sex realize they have no lube.
In their desperate, horny haste, they looked for the nearest "Downy" and asked it, "Speak into my hand."
Upon their return to the bed, they regretted it immediately because his dick just stayed down...
What's wrong with my friend?
He's called Dobby Coleman and has a massive jaw.
Have you ever walked into Stephen Hawking's house?
No? Neither did he.
Can orphans go to a family restaurant?
My blind friend got ran over by a parked car.
Have you heard about the blind man who saw the accident and the dead man who heard it?
Why did Harry fall out of the boat?
Because he's hooked!
Doctor, can I please have a new butt? My old one has a hole and a crack in it.
Why is the moon always hungry? It is almost never full.
I hate it when people think I'm a boy because I have short hair. I mean, I'm gay, what do you expect?
If depression is going to be my girlfriend, will she leave me?
The only problem being short and gay is that whenever I try to tell people I'm top in my relationship, they don't believe me because I'm shorter than the person I'm dating, like, WTF?
How do you keep your friends from boring you with pictures of their children?
Every time they show you a new one, you say, "Oh FUCK yeah!"
How can you tell if a Polish woman is on the rag? One of her socks is missing!
What danger does this put them in? Toxic Sock Syndrome!
Egg?
Do you know Warrior Cats?
I heard Hawkfrost is cold.
Gan cube prices?
If humanity were to nominate the gayest country in the world, it would be Tel Aviv, honestly.