Worst Jokes Ever

Worst Jokes Ever

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Girlfriend: I just lost 5 pounds!

Me: How many makeup wipes did you need?

An alien walks into a bar. There is a guy sitting next to him, and the alien touches his shoulder.

The man says, "Do that one more time and I'll run you over." The alien does it again and gets ran over. They get back in the bar and he touches him again. The man says, "Do that again and I'll chop your dick off." He touches him again. The man pulls the alien's pants down and pulls out his knife. He was astonished at what he found. There was nothing there! He looks up at the alien and looks at his finger and fainted.

REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Dad: How was your trip to the park?

Daughter: It was good until the man came along.

Dad: *gasps* Whatever happened, it wasn't your fault, but tell Daddy, what happened?

Daughter: He made my friends go away so it was just me and him... then he took my dress off...

Dad: Oh God, what next?

Daughter: Nothing, that was it.

Dad: Oh, come on! That wasn't exciting, make something up!

Whenever I’m bored, I hit up my local orphanage and beat some of them up.

I mean honestly, what are they going to do, tell their parents? 😂😂

Him: What's the difference between Incestry.com and Ancestry.com?

Her: What?

Him: Nothing, either way you will be dating your cousin.

Q: Who are the fastest readers in the world?

A: New Yorkers. Some of them go through 110 stories in 5 seconds.

If you're ever bored, punch an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?

How do you know if someone is anorexic? You toss them a onion ring and see if they eat it, or use it as a hula hoop.

A guy tells his pal, "My wife is expecting. We're going to the clinic to see if it's a girl or a boy."

"Congrats, man. What are you gonna name it if it's a boy?"

"We're going with Trevor."

"Ok, what if it's a girl?"

"Then we'll have an abortion."