Worst Jokes Ever
Where do bunnies go when they're sick?
The hoppital.
My mom: "Dear, I don't know why your grandma is spending more time with her friend Carla, can you spy on her?"
Me: "Your mom gay lol."
My mom: "Don't talk about your grandma like that, you rude girl."
You: "Your mom gay lol."
A turtle is crossing the road when he’s mugged by two snails. When the police show up, they ask him what happened. The shaken turtle replies, “I don’t know. It all happened so fast.”
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He’s not breathing and his eyes are glazed.
The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911.
“I think my friend is dead!” he yells. “What can I do?”
The operator says, “Calm down. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.”
There’s a silence, then a shot. Back on the phone, the guy says, “OK, now what?”
When you get caught about to shoot up the school,
*slowly puts AR to chin*
This page could use more "butt quack" jokes.
What do you call a grown-up orphan? Homeless.
Where does a crayon go on vacation? To color-ado.
You know what’s impossible?
Steven Walking.
Bird on the beach: seagull.
Bird by the bay: bagel.
Bird down south Philly Walmart parking lot: illegal.
Octopussy.
There is no joke.
Grandma, I can’t believe I have Alzheimer’s.
One second later, Well at least I don’t have Alzheimer’s.
What's the difference between a humorous bully and a small van driver?
One takes the Mickey, the other takes the Minnie.
Dark jokes are like clean water, not everyone gets it.
When your friend asks why you don't smile, then you look at them and realize no one is there because you have no friends. #my life
Son: I heard mom got stung by a few bees this morning. Is she ok? Hospital?
Dad: She's ok now, no hospital.
Dad: She had to take the deep penis.
Son: Umm...... WHAT!?
Dad: I had to inject her with and EPIC PENIS.
Dad: Oh, for God's sakes.
Dad: Epi Pen.
Man: What's up?
Me: I'm annoyed.
Man: Why?
Me: I stole my gf's heart.
Man: So why are you annoyed?
Me: Everyone else in the surgery room gave me weird looks.
Why did the one-armed man cross the road?
To get to the second-hand shop.
My wife and I have been married over 30 years, but don’t get me wrong, we still perform tricks in the bedroom.
I sit up and beg, she rolls over and plays dead.