Worst Jokes Ever
Paddy and Seamus work at the Guinness factory, and Seamus has a horrible accident and dies at work.
Paddy agrees to tell Seamus' wife the bad news. He knocks on the door, and Seamus' wife answers. "What's happened, Paddy?" Paddy frowns. "I'm sorry to say poor Seamus fell into the Guinness vat and drowned, I'm so sorry." She started to cry and asked Paddy: "Did he at least die quickly?" Seamus shook his head, "No, he got out 3 times for a pee."
What did the skeleton say to the other skeleton? "I've got a bone to pick with you!"
That was a real rib tickler. I've got a skele-TON more of the skele-PUNS!
Sister: (moaning) Go get Mom, she'd love this!
Me: But Billy's with her right now.
Billy: UGHHHH...MMMMM
Dad: Hurry up Billy, I want to see you for a moment.
What is Donald Trump's favorite game?
Fortnite. Because he can build walls for free.
Mom: I saw John Cena at WWE.
Son: No way, you can’t see him though.
Mom: God!
Son: What?
Mom: You watch too much reality TV (comes to smack butt).
Son: Also because I’m John Cena.
Mom: Where, where’d ya go?
John Cena: Hey, Mom.
Mom: I’m only 31, you’re 42.
Three copycats on a boat, one jumps off. How many are left? Zero, because they're copycats!
Billy moved in with 69 pedophiles when he was 8. Many "tears" came across his cheeks.
Kid: I have the corona virus!
Nurse: Here is an ice pack.
Why did the silly girl put sugar under her pillow?
She wanted to have sweet dreams. 😂
One day a computer said to another computer, "Why are you so dumb?"
The other computer replied, "Because I have low memory."
What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?
"Where's my tractor!"
Why couldn't anyone hear Helen Keller when she fell off a cliff? She was wearing mittens.
Hubble just spotted something huge coming out of Uranus.
There is a really, really small guy and his name is Adam, so I say, "Hey, look, it's an atom!"
Why do cheetahs never get an A+ on a test? They always cheetah!
Why couldn't the toilet paper roll down the road?
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Hatch.
Hatch who?
Bless you!
Living in Houston, Texas, and realizing that hurricanes are an annual threat, my ex-wife called me and asked what would be the safest route to get out of Houston to avoid a hurricane. My answer? Take the 610 loop, dear!
A girl and a dog were dropped off at an orphanage. Why was she crying before she went in? Because the people came back for their dog.
Q: Why did the young boy ask his parents to take him to the Cowboys’ AT&T Stadium during the tornado warning?
A: He said, “There’s never a touchdown there.”