Worst Jokes Ever
What do you get when I get mixed with coffee?
De-presso.
Someone broke into my house and took my anti-depressants... I hope they're happy now.
Yesterday we lost a quarter of our roof in the storm, oof.
Your mum isn't home.
Did you hear about the nurse who couldn’t swim?
She ended up under the doc[tor].
What's India's favorite font?
Comic Sanskrit.
It’s been a terrible day today. My ex got hit by a bus and died.
Not only this, but the council cut my bus driver's permit!
Wow, Heaven's a lot hotter than I thought it'd be.
Why did Billy kill himself with a TV remote?
He wasn't even REMOTELY close to being happy.
Why did the Russian cross the road?
To get to the other side.
Yo mama's so fat, she used a telephone pole as a tampon.
What did Pluto say to Saturn while barbecuing steaks?
"Mine is meatier than yours."
If someone called you ugly, say before you call me ugly, look in a mirror.
What did the man say to his wife, wanna play?
We are going to a country called Bangkok. When we are there, we will Bangkok.
One man was very depressed because he lost everything. He lost his job. He lost his home, and he lost his wife. So he went lonely into the forest to grieve.
Suddenly, with his head raised up, he sees Santa Claus walking by. "Santa?" he asks. "Why are you early? It is not even Christmas?"
"Ho, ho. Don't worry about me. Let's worry about you instead," says Santa. "What is the problem, my friend?"
"I lost everything good in my life. I got fired from my job. My wife divorced me. I lost my house."
Santa: "I can help you. You can wish three things you want in life, and I'll give it to you."
Man: "My first wish is I want my house back."
Santa: "Done!"
Man: "My second wish is I want 1 million in cash in my bank account."
Santa: "Done!"
Man: "My third wish is I also want my job back!"
Santa: "Done, but before I actually give you those wishes, I have to hump you."
Man: "Okay. Let's do it."
So Santa Claus takes off his pants to hump the man.
After they are done humping, Santa asks the man: "How old are you?"
Man: "I am 35 years old."
Santa: "And still believe in Santa Claus??!! HOHOHOHO!!!"
2020 was the first time Kobe had passed in years.
My friend asked for something dark and creamy. I said..... "GU KHA".
Why did the orphan call Mr. Smith "daddy"? Because he put her in the vices and taught her a lesson about virginity.
Knock, knock!
"Is that daddy?"
No, but I'm about to be, so get on your knees!