Worst Jokes Ever
I want to die in my sleep, like grandpa did, not screaming and crying like the people on the bus he drove.
What do you call a banana driving a car?
A banana car.
My sis said only garlic and onions can make you cry.
So I threw an orange at her.
I painted my dad white so he wouldn’t leave.
What is an orphan's favorite flower? Self-raising. 😂
How many dead babies does it take to change a light bulb?
More than five because my basement is still dark.
Husband: Honey, do you want sex?
Wife: No, thanks, I have a headache.
Husband: Is that your final answer?
Wife: Mmmmm.
Husband: Are you sure?
Wife: Yes.
Husband: No doubts?
Wife: No.
Husband staring a long time at his wife.
Husband: Okay, I wanna use my lifeline to call a friend.
Where is the pocket?
It is there, the pocket.
Once there were three Indians. Two were smart and one was... not so smart.
One day, the first smart Indian went out hunting. He came back with a dead deer. The not so smart Indian asks "How'd you do it?"
The smart one replies, "I followed the deer tracks, shot the deer, and brought it home."
The next day, the next smart Indian goes out. He comes back with a dead bear. The not so smart Indian asks once again "How'd you do it?"
The smart one replies, "I followed the bear tracks, shot the bear, and brought it home."
Finally, it's now the not so smart Indian's turn to go hunt. Multiple hours had passed since he left. The smart Indians go out to search for him. They finally find him, bloodied and on the verge of dying. The smart Indians exclaimed "WHAT HAPPENED!"
The not so smart Indian replies,
"Well I... I followed the train tracks, an... and shot th- the train... bu- but it kept going..."
What are the 3 shortest words in the English language?
“Is It In?”
Why can’t orphans live?
They don’t have parents.
What is a tornado's favorite game?
Twister!
Have you heard about the tanning Olympics?
Everyone wanted bronze! (This is a lil cringe.)
What’s a Muslim’s favorite car?
A Citroën C4.
Haha, dead.
Why does Mario eat mushrooms?
Because he's a very fungi!
Why are chickens so awesome? Because... Chicken noise.
Best part about being an orphan?
Not spending 1h30 at the table every night with your dad yelling, "What's 2*3?!!" And you crying, "I don't know!!!"
I named my dog "5 miles," so now I can tell people I walk "5 miles" everyday. 😏😎
Orphans would be upset if they went to FamilyMart.
'Cause they sell oden, not a family.