What's the difference between an anal and oral thermometer?
The taste.
Worst Jokes Ever
What do you call a skunk falling from the sky?
A stink bomb!
What's got 4 legs and is stronger than Superman?
Christopher Reeve's horse.
Leo: Mother, what is an idiot?
Mother: An idiot is someone that explains something in a long, boring way so that the person that the idiot is trying to explain to doesn't understand.
Mother: Do you understand?
Leo: No.
What’s Mexico’s favorite sport?
Cross country.
Your mama so fat the flash died halfway running around her.
What's your favorite place that orphans can't go to?
Home.
So, three guys are walking down the street together and decide to go rob a bank.
The first one goes for the richest man in the city’s vault but can’t open it easily and is caught and sent to death in jail for robbing the richest man.
The second one goes for his uncle's vault because screw that son of a b***h; he’s rich, why does he need all the money? But his uncle was unfortunately at the vault that day and snapped his nephew's neck.
The third one went for his ex’s vault and thought, “Well, that b***h can suck my d**k; she’s so poor anyway, who would care if I take all her money so she dies of hunger and dehydration and homelessness?” So he managed to get into her vault easily because it wasn’t heavily locked and took all her money. The next day, the third guy's ex showed up to his house and said, “I’m gonna f*****g murder you,” so she shot him dead and got her money from his house.
In hell, the three guys see each other and explain what happened. The third guy did and then asked, “You know, I don’t get it. If the richest guys are heavily guarded but already have so much money in their house, why does it need to be heavily guarded? I don’t understand why the poorer aren’t heavily guarded when they are so poor they need the money.” And the first guy said, “B***h, I don’t know, maybe the bank tellers think poor people should suck it and just die already.”
Why can’t orphans play baseball? Because they can’t find home.
I would slap you, but that would be animal abuse.
Mother: Jack, I have good news and some bad news, which would you like to hear first?
Jack: Bad News first.
Mother: I'm dying!
Jack: Mother, I said bad news first.
Mother: *cries*
Jack was never seen again.
If it's true what they say and I quote, "God never gives you more than you can handle," then you should pray to those who didn't, that God gave them a body strong enough to survive the attempt.
The bright side of this pandemic is now both my hands look equally chapped and raw.
How do you make a plumber cry?
Break his pipes...
Jerry: My dad got into a fight on a plane.
Jeremy: That's just *plane* crazy!
Why were Abraham Lincoln and John F. Kennedy very wise presidents?
They both had an open mind.
What do you call a depressed person?
Me.
What did the fat girl say to the donut?
"I'm going to eat you tonight..."
You wanna hear a joke?
You.
Imagine if on April first the government says, "Hahhaha, you all fell for it. Covid-19 is fake; we actually killed all those people, lol."