Worst Jokes Ever

I told my dad I was self harming. The next day we talked about it and he said, "Hey you should CUT it out." It was funny but I couldn't bring myself to laugh at that.

"Bippity Boppity, women are not property."

Wife: “I want another baby.”

Husband: “That’s a relief, I also really don’t like this one!”

Why do orphans love Home Alone?

They like to see a familiar picture.

They said that new Juice WRLD album was shakin' good....

Nutty.

Player 138 eliminated...

I asked an orphan where his mom was. He started crying, so I said it again.

And well, that was my last day at the orphanage.

What type of cookie has an orphan never had? Home made cookies ;)

My son's into astromancy asked me how do stars die, so I told him, "Usually on overdose, son."

My therapist told me time heals wounds, so I stabbed him, and now we wait.

What game do emo kids love the most? Hangman.

What’s the difference between a pile of babies and a Tesla?

I don’t have a Tesla in my garage.

What do you call a gay barbecue?

LGTBBQ.

What do you call the United States of America under a Joe Biden presidency?

Answer: The Democratic People’s Socialist States of America. We're still America, just a different kind of America. And that’s no joke. 😔

I was reading a book about an immortal dog, it was impossible to put down.

I only have 4 moods:

• fuck this • fuck that • fuck me • fuck you

I empathize with the above, but I have an additional 4 moods to add:

• fuck yeah • fuck no • fuck my life • fuck everything

and don't forget the inevitable

• fuck it

and for those who have just given up

• fuck

This is beautiful.

Why do orphans suck at baseball?

Because they have no home.

Someone: Didn’t we already meet somewhere?

Me: Yeah. That’s why I don’t go there anymore.

It's Christmas morning, and all the decorations are done, but the tree looks like it's missing something. *grabs the noose*