Worst Jokes Ever
Sex is like math.
Subtract the clothes, add the bed, divide the legs, and pray to God there is no multiplying.
Q. What's an orphan's favorite South Park episode?
A. The anti-Family Guy episode.
What's the difference between a rubber and Michael Jackson? Nothing, kids touch them both.
Hi, I am Michael Jackson, pronouns are HEE/HEE!
Taking an emo kid grocery shopping does have its perks... You get to scan their wrists for discounts!
I fucked your mom.
Why do orphans become criminals? To know what it’s like to be wanted.
Why are orphans bad at poker? They don’t know what a full house is.
I saw a child crying yesterday, so I asked him where his parents were. Bad move. I got fired from my job at the orphanage.
What do you call an orphan’s family reunion? Me time.
Did you know? The letter ‘f’ in orphan stands for family.
What is an orphan’s least favorite song? We Are Family.
What’s an orphan’s least favorite TV show? Family Guy.
What’s an orphan’s least favorite movie? Meet the Parents.
What’s an orphan’s least favorite type of music? House.
What’s an orphan’s least favorite store? Home Depot.
What’s an orphan’s favorite band? Foster the People.
What do you call a virgin from Alabama? An orphan.
Where do orphan chickens end up? Foster Farms.
What beer do orphans drink? Foster’s.
Why do orphans have water with their cereal? Because their dad never came back with the milk.
What do you call a fish with no parents? An orfin.
Why do orphans like playing tennis? Because it’s the only love they get.
Me: Are you an orphan? Orphan: Yes, what gave me away? Me: Your parents.
Why do white people colonize everything?
To steal a culture for themselves, something other than fornicating with anything that moves including their own children and pets, which they already do.
Two Canadians die and end up in Hell. Satan decides to pay them a visit, so he walks into their room and sees them talking and laughing. Confused, he asks them why they're happy.
They tell him, "Well, we're so sick of the cold where we're from, and this place is nice and toasty."
Satan, annoyed, storms away and goes to Hell's boiler room, where he turns up the temperature.
He goes back to the Canadians' room, along the way being begged by all sorts of people to put the heating back down. He enters the room to see the Canadians having a barbecue. Furiously, he asks them what they're doing.
"Well, we can't pass up this wonderful weather without getting out the barbecue!"
Satan realizes he's been doing the wrong thing. He goes to the boiler room and turns it down until it's at a colder temperature than ever seen on earth.
He knows he's won now, so he goes back to the Canadians' room, only to see them jumping up and down in excitement.
He shouts at them in fury, "WHY ARE YOU STILL HAPPY?!?!?!"
They look at him and shout at the same time, "Hell froze over! That means the Leafs won!"
What is the one thing cripples can't do? ... Stand-up comedy.
What happened when the emo kid tried to high 5 a tree?
It left him hanging.
Why couldn't the emo kid hang himself?
After eating through his feelings, the belt wouldn't fit around his neck.
What do JFK’s killer and a prostitute have in common?
“They both blow heads.”
Why do orphans want to be communist?
So they would have a motherland.
An old man walks to a busy restaurant. He tells the waiter what he wants and asks her, "Can I have a discount? I served in the war."
The waitress says, "Of course, and would you like that meal with sauce?"
"Nein," said the old man.
What is another name for a serial rapist? Short dress enthusiast.
"In my opinion, JFK was the best president."
"Why?"
"He was very open-minded!"
Twin Towers are like genders, there used to be 2.
What do Hiroshima and Nagasaki share in common with balls?
They both drop.
What's the difference between an asshole and a freezer?
The freezer doesn't fart when you pull the meat out.