Worst Jokes Ever
I told my wife her eyebrows were too high.
She looked surprised.
The boy was clapping, then he became clapped.
What do you call a disabled kid who is blind?
A grape chilli bean.
To all my bullies: don’t call me gay because I’m not happy.
What do you call a prostitute with a runny nose?
Full.
What's the difference between a dead hooker and a watermelon?
The watermelon didn't scream when I sliced it.
Bully: My mom says I'm not allowed to burn trash.
Me: (quiet)
Bully: HEY I'M TALKING TO YOU.
Me: Are you talking to yourself? Because I was listening to music until I heard you.
Did you fall from Heaven? Because so did Satan.
Your mom is so fat, I took a picture of her last Christmas, and it's still printing.
Where did a chicken orphan go?
A foster home.
What do you call an orphan who grows up and becomes a priest?
Father Les.
Why are orphans bad at poker?
Because they don't know what a full house is.
Why do orphans love to go to church?
Because they can finally call someone "father!"
Why do orphans play baseball?
So they can touch home.
Why do we tell actors to "break a leg"?
Because every scene has a cast!
Why were people not happy before they were part of the LGBTQ+? Because they weren’t gay.
Chuck Norris doesn't need to be vaccinated. Vaccines need to be Chuck Norrised.
I laughed when I realized that my suicide letter is way longer than my sibling's college essay.
I cried while my parents were cutting onions... onions was such a good dog.
What do you call a girlfriend in the mirror?
(Your imagination.)