Bully: My mom says I'm not allowed to burn trash.
Me: (quiet)
Bully: HEY I'M TALKING TO YOU.
Me: Are you talking to yourself? Because I was listening to music until I heard you.
Worst Jokes Ever
Did you fall from Heaven? Because so did Satan.
Your mom is so fat, I took a picture of her last Christmas, and it's still printing.
Where did a chicken orphan go?
A foster home.
What do you call an orphan who grows up and becomes a priest?
Father Les.
Why are orphans bad at poker?
Because they don't know what a full house is.
Why do orphans love to go to church?
Because they can finally call someone "father!"
Why do orphans play baseball?
So they can touch home.
Why do we tell actors to "break a leg"?
Because every scene has a cast!
Why were people not happy before they were part of the LGBTQ+? Because they weren’t gay.
Chuck Norris doesn't need to be vaccinated. Vaccines need to be Chuck Norrised.
I laughed when I realized that my suicide letter is way longer than my sibling's college essay.
I cried while my parents were cutting onions... onions was such a good dog.
What do you call a girlfriend in the mirror?
(Your imagination.)
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they can't find home.
I got home one day and a Spanish guy, white guy, black guy told me that your sister knows her meats.
She won a trophy. We blindfolded her, then my sister said, "Yeah, I was blindfolded, and I gave all three of them blowjobs and I had to guess which flavor of the meat it was."
The Trophy said Best Blowjobs. As a brother, I couldn't be prouder.
A dog found a bone. Then he was walking happily across the street, and he saw a bridge. He decided to walk on the bridge. He saw his reflection and thought it was another dog. Then he barked at him, and the bone fell in the river. The dog said, "What a fool I have been," and walked away.
What is the difference between you and Iron Man? You have a wonky hairline.
I went home one day, and three guys—a Spanish guy, a Chinese guy, and a white guy—told me, "You should be proud of your sister. She won a trophy about knowing her flavor of meats." Then my sister told me that I was blindfolded, and she gave all of them a blowjob, and I had to guess which flavor that I was sucking on. I was right all the time, and they gave me a trophy. The Trophy says "Blowjobs of the Flavors." As a brother, I couldn't be prouder.
Q. What did the math book say to the other math book?
A. I have too many problems.
