You learn something new every day.
Like the people in 9/11 are the world's fastest readers; they went through 100s in under a second.
Worst Jokes Ever
Why didn’t the Twin Towers like their pizza?
Cause it was plain.
Why do your orphans not drink beer?
Because last time they did, he went to suck some dudes' toes, then he tried to take him to his parents, but I guess that never happened.
If you have a bad day, just think there are at least 15 people who care about you.
Don’t feel bad about this day because there’s a saying: "Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift. That is why it is called the present."
A husband and wife get into a fight. The wife says, "Go blow off some steam. I’ll let you fuck a hooker." So he does that, comes back, and says, "I’m off the hook now!"
What is Satan's way to go to places? A helicopter.
They found water on Mars. Mars:1 Africa:0
What do you get when you put a suicide bomber in a wheel chair? An RC-XD.
What is the difference between an apple and an orphan? Orphans don't get picked.
I scored.
What happens when an emo kid tries to high-five you? You leave him hanging.
Mrs. Kadie, I heard about this Mr. Beast video about veggie burgers. I hope that you didn't trick me again.
Mr. Beast: Today we're gonna be eating a hot tender burger.
Mrs. Kadie: OMG he didn't say vegan!
Viewers: HAHAHA we tricked you!
Mrs. Kadie: That's it Mr. Beast, we're gonna pour blood on your face!
Mr. Beast & Chandler: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!1!
What did the dad say to the kid?
Nothing, he went to get the milk.
Why didn't the orphan do the work?
Because when the teacher says they would call your mum or dad, there's nobody to call.
You'd think the Catholic Church would be in favor of condoms... less DNA evidence.
My friend Harry.
Quoting the great Jimmy Carr: "When I cook, I make sure there are vegetarian options. They can make do, or they can fuck off."
Me and my suicidal friend are close, so I took him to the mall to treat him.
We bought snacks, a new controller for his Xbox, and LED lights for his room to hopefully brighten his mood. After we scanned the last item, the machine beeped by itself.
What is the difference between a kid's dad and his cancer?
The cancer came back.
Hey, yesterday I played with my sister. When I woke up, she was gone.
Some marriages can make short people look like Shaquille O'Neal.
