My wife said to me, "You really have no sense of direction, do you?"
I said, "Where the fuck did that come from?!"
Worst Jokes Ever
I went to a park, then I kicked a ball at a kid in a wheelchair, then screamed "Rocket League!"
A blind man walked into a fish market and said... "Hello, ladies!"
My fortune cookie said, "Your existing plans will succeed." Not necessarily, since I'm suicidal...
A computer is a HARDware device. How come someone still feels it is MicroSOFT?
A computer usually has a HARD drive. LESSON. No wonder they remember things.
If girls are vegan, why do they suck dick?
Did you hear about Alicia's car accident?
She was really drunk and all over the road until she was all over the road.
I hope death is a woman. That way, she'll never come for me.
You have more chin than brain cells!
How does a cannibal like his meat?
Human.
Can two high-femme lesbians go on a date with each other?
Yes, but it will take them forever to get ready.
What is the best part of a turkey? The drumstick!
How do you fit 100 rape victims inside a Mini Cooper?
In the ashtray.
Boobs are like batteries...
AA will get the job done...
C is bigger than AA...
D is bigger that C...
...and if they're square, you don't want to put your tongue on them!
Why couldn't the toilet paper cross the road?
'Cause it was stuck in the crack... *buttcrack*
What did the kid say to the orphan?
"Well, at least I have parents!"
I was at work yesterday and I saw this kid crying. I went up to him and asked him where his parents were, and he started to cry even more. Gosh, don't you just love working at the orphanage?
Why did little Timmy dip the cookie in water?
"Because his dad never brought the milk."
What kind of nuts come in cans?
Creamed a-corn.
