Worst Jokes Ever

Huh what you say?

Come fight me, suck a dick.

So, there is this button. There's a 50% chance you get a million dollars. There's a 50% chance that you turn into a turtle. Make them press the button, and if they give the money, you just push the orphan over, take their money, and run away because who are they going to tell? Their parents?

I love Stephen Hawking jokes so much because they roll off the tongue so nicely.

A man went to the library and asked for a book about suicide. The librarian said, "Go away, you won’t bring it back."

Juice WRLD farts smell like McDonalds.

Hitler isn’t really a bad guy, after all, he did kill Hitler himself.

A man sits in a bar and gets seriously drunk to the point where he vomits on his shirt. He panics.

The bartender asked, "What's wrong, sir?"

The man replies, "I got drunk and vomited, my wife will kill me."

The bartender says, "Put $20 in the shirt and say someone puked on you and they paid you for the wash."

So the man walks out with the $20 he put in his shirt pocket. The next day, the wife said, "Why is there vomit on your shirt?"

The man says, "Someone puked on me and gave me $20 bucks for the wash."

The wife pulls out the money. "There is $40," says the wife.

"Oh, he also peed on me and paid for the wash, too." The man walks away believing he didn't get caught by his wife.

My name is Myria, my right nut.

They asked JFK Jr. if he wanted to shower before his flight. He said, "No, I'll just wash up on shore!"

"Let it go, LET IT GO!" Blah blah blah whatever the rest of the song says dun dun blah blah blah my mom never bothered me anyway.

I'm bored 😴 so that's why I sang in my wonderful voice for a few seconds and wasted your time.

The bell rings, and Ana was about to leave, but the teacher said, "The bell doesn't dismiss you, I do."

The next day, Ana was late, and the teacher asked, "Why are you late?" Ana replied with, "The bell doesn't tell me when I should arrive, I do."

Somebody shouts "Fire!"

Man 1: Get the children out!

Man 2: F*** the children!

Man 3: We don't have time!

What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?

Apples get picked.

Why can’t a blind person be a teacher? Because they can’t control their pupils.

So.. err actually, don’t worry. I was gonna make a joke about dead babies, but I had to abort.

What was the last thing to go through Princess Diana’s head before she died?

The steering wheel.

Why did Princess Diana cross the road?

She wasn’t wearing a seat belt.

What do a pulse and an orgasm have in common?

I don’t care if she has one.

I molested a child today, and it felt quite lovely on my penis! 👍

What’s yellow and can’t swim? A bus full of children.