Why do trees never call emo kids? Because they always hang up on them.
Worst Jokes Ever
What's the difference between emo people and normal people? Normal people have wrists.
A toddler was giving her daddy a tea party.
She brought him a little cup of "tea" which was just water, of course. After several cups of tea, her Mom came home. Dad made her wait in the living room to watch his little Princess bring him a cup of tea, because it was, "Just the cutest thing!" Mom waited, and sure enough, here she come down the hall with a cup of tea for Daddy. She watches him drink it up and then says, "You know the only place she can reach water, is the toilet!"
Don't see why people say that babysitting a toddler is hard. You just grease the bathtub, put them inside with some food and drink, and go do your business. I guarantee you that they will still be there when you return.
If you stay in the house, you might need to use sound cancelling headphones too, though.
What did Stephen Hawking have for breakfast? His left shoulder.
If you are ever mad, punch an orphan.
What are they going to do? Tell their parents?
Why are orphans whores?
Because they want a sugar daddy. đ
Today I donated my watch, phone, and $500 to a poor guy.
You wouldnât believe the happiness I felt as he slid the pistol back into his pocket.
If a girl says no twice đ¤.
Mathematically thatâs a yes, so youâre good to go!
Whatâs 8 inches and women scream when they see it?
A puppy, you dirty monkey!
Joe mama is Joe mama (your mother) LMAO!
What type of deer can jump higher than a house?
All houses can't jump.
What type of horse can jump higher than a house?
All houses can't jump.
There was a house with a three-story building.
The first one had Mexicans.
The second one had Africans.
The third one had white people.
An earthquake came.
But who did survive?
The white family because they were at work.
Why does the cannibal village not exist anymore?
They all ate each other.
Chalie has an eating disorder, and he is shorter, so is his life, but he will never get a wife. He's a gay motherfucker who wants to be hit by a trucker?
A married woman is having an affair. Whenever her lover comes over, she puts her nine year old son in the closet.
One day, the woman hears a car in the driveway and puts her lover in the closet with her son.
Inside the closet, the little boy says, "It's dark in here, isn't it?"
"Yes it is," the man replies.
"You wanna buy a baseball?" the little boy asks.
"No thanks," the man replies.
"I think you do want to buy a baseball," the little extortionist continues.
"OK. How much?" the man replies, after considering the position he was in.
"Twenty-five dollars," the little boy replies.
"TWENTY-FIVE DOLLARS?!" the man repeats. "That's awful expensive," but because of the position he was in, agreed to the price.
The following week, the lover is visiting the woman again when she hears a car in the driveway, and again places her lover in the closet with her little boy.
"It's dark in here, isn't it?" the boy starts off.
"Yes it is," replies the man.
"Wanna buy a baseball glove?" the little boy asks.
"OK. How much?" the hiding lover responds, acknowledging his disadvantage.
"Fifty dollars," the boy replies, and the transaction is completed.
The next weekend, the little boy's father says, "Hey, son. Go get your ball and glove and we'll play some catch."
"I can't. I sold them," replies the little boy.
"How much did you get for them?" asks the father, expecting to hear the profit in terms of lizards and candy.
"Seventy-five dollars," the little boy says.
"SEVENTY-FIVE DOLLARS?! That's thievery! I'm taking you to the church right now. You must confess your sin and ask for forgiveness," the father explains as he hauls the child away.
At the church, the little boy goes into the confessional, draws the curtain, sits down, and says "It's dark in here, isn't it?"
"Don't you start that crap in here," the priest says.
You: "Captain, where is this plane going?"
Captain: "New York, 175 Greenwich Street."
What do you call a fake speedrunner?
Dream.
What do you call a Barbie doll thatâs wearing scrubs?
A plastic surgeon. đˇ
